7th Heaven
Sorority Boys

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Freaks And Greeks

In the morning, Lex tries to pack himself into a tight miniskirt. He asks how he looks, and Matt tells him that he's missing a boob. Lex wonders what happened to it, then sees that Harlan is eating the grapefruit that he was using for a boob. A grapefruit for a boob? Those things are heavy and rather unwieldy. Why not just use socks? Not that I would know anything about what material is best for stuffing one's bra. Really, I'm quite an ample woman. Lex gets himself properly stuffed, and Matt puts some hairspray in his woman wig. What is the point of that?

Lex tries to walk in high heels and has little luck. Matt runs into a storage closet and changes into his real clothes and walks into his first class, Women's Studies. Some flaky lady is the professor and he's the only man in the class. Of course. The Prof tells Matt he's in the wrong place, but Matt is taking the class to fulfill some requirement. He sits down next to Leah and the Giantess.

In a hallway, Lex spots President HH and the Token Black Frat Brother talking about the party last night, and how generous President HH was to put up the money for it himself. Suddenly, Oily Guy comes up and invades Lex's personal space in a harassing and threatening manner.

Back in the Women's Studies class, the Prof is saying something about the myth of the male orgasm, and Matt looks confused. She recommends that everyone get a study partner. Matt looks at Leah. Leah looks dejected. The bell rings. Do bells still ring in college?

Harland is watching television. One of the sisters comes in and reminds Harland that it's his turn to clean the bathroom. Harland cleans the drain and pulls out a huge hair clog and does a Wookiee impression, which is all Harland Williams is good for, when you think about it. Harland takes the hair and goes into the kitchen for no discernible reason, where Heather is sobbing uncontrollably. Harland asks her what is wrong, and she responds that she used to be in Todd Solondz movies but now she's in a Harland Williams vehicle. She is also upset that some guy made fun of her annoyingly loud voice again. Harland tries to make Heather feel better.

Lex is walking down the street. Some guys drive by fun and call him a "fat-ass DOG girl." Then someone throws a cup full of liquid at him. I hate when that happens! Lex storms into the DOG house and trips on his high heels. In the Powerpuff bedroom, Matt and Harland are picking out outfits for tomorrow. Lex storms in, and he's upset about his fat ass. Matt tells him not to worry because he doesn't have a fat ass. But I'm looking at Lex in a tight miniskirt, and I have to tell you, he really does have a pretty fat ass. That's unusual in a guy. I think they might have stuffed the skirt to get that effect, because the ass is almost shelf-like in its fat-ass-edness. Lex then shows Harland and Matt that he has horrible red bumps all over his legs. They don't what it could possibly be, which I find hard to believe, because don't guys get shaving bumps on their faces like girls do on their legs? Not that I've ever shaved my face.

Giantess bursts into the room and tells Lex that he has some horrible ingrown hairs on his legs. Then she asks if anyone has a heavy-flow maxi-pad for her to borrow because she's "soaked through an entire box this morning," and a roll of toilet paper. Yo, that's nasty. Also, it might be time to make the switch to tampons. The three guys are speechless until Harland says that he used his last one already, and Matt and Lex laugh awkwardly. Giantess says she "has to go" and run-walks out of the room with her hand covering her vaginal area. Why. Why? WHY?! Matt feels sorry for Giantess, because she is so big that her feminine hygiene needs cannot be met. Harland says she's like Paul Bunyan. Does anyone remember that SNL commercial about the feminine napkin made by a Paul Bunyan-esque guy? Giantess should get some of those. Lex is upset that he is finding out too much about women. He says it's like going to your favorite restaurant and watching them slaughter animals to make your food. I'm still trying to figure out how this film has a positive message about womanhood. Lex says he has to get the tape.

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7th Heaven




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