7th Heaven
Stuck In The Middle With You

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Sara M: D | Grade It Now!
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Cutting a rug

Over at the house, the doorbell rings, and Simon tells no one that he'll get it. Rod is at the door. Simon lets him in. Rod asks Simon if he has facial hair, but Simon says that it's peanut butter. What a slob. But the peanut-butterstache looks better than Rod's. Simon goes to get Lucy, but Rod says he wants to talk to Simon. Simon agrees, and they go up into his room. Ruthie's there, and she tells Simon that the lizard eggs are gone. Lizard Expert Rod says that sometimes lizards eat their eggs. No one looks as horrified about this fact of nature as I do. A friend of mine had mice once, and one had babies, and she could hear them scream as their parents ate them when she went to bed at night. This is how I know that when animals do this, it is a fear response. They sense that they are being threatened, and eat their eggs. Thus it is Ruthie's fault that this happened. And it probably wasn't a fear response so much as a "we can't allow our children to live in a world with this evil curly-haired overlord!" response. Simon kicks Ruthie out so he can have a man-to-man talk with Rod. Ruthie asks where the men are. Hyuk hyuk hyuk slap! Then she leaves. Rod says he thinks that Simon is more supportive of him and Lucy than the rest of the family. Simon says Rod has to "clean up his act" before RevCam lets him date Lucy, and his mother doesn't like a fourteen-year-old with a moustache. Who does?

The doorbell rings, and Ruthie and Matt answer the door. Who could it be? Why, it's Jimmy Moon. Matt says he wants to talk to him. Ruthie makes some smart-ass comment and leaves. Jimmy and Matt walk into the kitchen, where Jimmy speaks in his monotone and I don't care. He doesn't think that Rod is right for Lucy. Matt agrees, but he doesn't think that Jimmy is right for Lucy either because he broke her heart. Jimmy says that he broke up with Lucy because when she dyed her hair blonde it "made [him] uncomfortable with [his] own passions." Why does Jimmy speak like this? Matt tells Jimmy never to mention Lucy and Jimmy's passions in the same sentence ever again. But we can talk about our grandfather's passions and spy on our sister and try to influence her love life, so don't be too upset. Matt says that the break-up was about Jimmy not being able to control Lucy, not about her dying her hair. Whatever. Matt suggests that Jimmy change his image to compete with Rod, quick. I have an idea. Maybe Jimmy could speak like a normal person and actually have facial expressions! Annie could give him lessons.

Lucy is still talking about her choices on the phone. I'll tell you, she either has supportive friends or friends with no lives of their own, to be able to talk to them about this all the time. I vote for the latter! Mary is on the bed with Ruthie, who tells her that both boys are in the house. They laugh about this; I don't. Mary tells Lucy that Rod and Jimmy are in the house. Lucy rudely hangs up on her friend, who has just spent the afternoon talking to her about her problems. Ruthie tells Lucy where she can find Jimmy and Rod, and Lucy makes a weird noise and runs away. Mary and Ruthie laugh. I assume that they're laughing at a tear in Lucy's pants or something we don't get to see, because what just happened wasn't funny. By the way, where is Anniedad during all this? I haven't seen him in a half hour. Maybe he's out picking up young girls.

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7th Heaven

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