7th Heaven

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Cate: F | Grade It Now!

Ruthie is trying to get Peter to help her with her homework. He gives her a self-righteous lecture, saying, "It wouldn't be fair to all of us who did the work ourselves." He's got a point, but the prissiness has got to go. Apparently, Ruthie thinks so too. She's looking pretty disgusted as she gets up to leave. It must be somewhat gratifying for her as a female when Peter follows and offers to help. Or at least it would be if he didn't have those doofy spiked bangs.

Down in the living room, the T-1000 tries to plant his cyborg lips on Lucy's pursed-up, prudish mouth. She stage-whispers that she doesn't want him kissing her in front of others. That's quite a switch from all the legendary living-room-couch make-out sessions. RevCam's fine with the PDA, though. He says, "Physical attraction is an important part of relationships." Kevin explains to Lucy that it's a line from Eric's novel. When Lucy wants to read it, T-1000 tells her she's too young. Aw, isn't it cute how he's so protective of her? Or is it that he's creepily possessive? I can never remember. Well, as long as he's dreamy-looking, who cares! At least he's got the brains to refuse to go a-stalkin' with Lucy. She leaves in a huff, and RevCam starts expounding on his "women and their wacky, wacky moods" theory again. It's a little hard to hear him, though, since his head is so far up his ass.

Down on the Promenade, Cecilia and Simon are staring at the front of a drugstore. It's obviously time to buy the condoms. They decide that Simon will go in alone. He enters the store and stops in front of a big display of Pond's cold cream. He stares intently at it until the pharmacist walks over and starts talking to him. This guy is obviously a long-lost Camden, because he first interrogates Simon about his family and then gossips about RevCam writing a novel. When he finally gets around to asking what Simon wants, the boy can only stand there mumbling incoherently. The pharmacist decides that Simon is trying to figure out how best to compliment the window display, which he claims to have designed himself. I have to rewind the tape to the beginning of the scene to get a better view. What confronts me may be the single funniest intentional joke ever seen on this show. I don't have a real clear view, but the window display seems to consist of a wheelchair surrounded by an arch of bedpans hanging from the ceiling. I fast-forward back to where I was, and I get to hear the pharmacist complimenting himself effusively on his perceived artistic talents. By the time he gets around to saying, "Wait 'til you see what I do for President's Day," I'm practically rolling on the floor. This reminds me of the elaborate displays you see in the window of a coffin store in my neighborhood. Quite frankly, I don't know why they bother. It's not exactly going to draw people in. A casket really isn't something you'd buy on impulse just because you were walking by and happened to be impressed with the window display.

While the pharmacist is bragging away, Cecilia walks in. She heads for the Pond's display and grabs a box from underneath it. It has to be condoms. She grabbed them so quickly, though, that I don't know if she had time to look for the "Mr. Junior" extra-small size. Avoiding eye contact with Simon, she calmly makes her purchase and leaves. Looking totally relieved, Simon summons up enough self-possession to buy a pack of Juicy Fruit. Hmm -- "Fruit." Is that supposed to be some kind of shout-out? I can't imagine anyone I know using that word, but it sounds like something Brenda might say. The would-be fornicators leave to share their happy news with Cecilia's parents.

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7th Heaven




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