7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: F | Grade It Now!

Simon comes into the CamPound and rushes off to his room. He's soon followed by Cecilia's father, who does manage to keep his anger in check long enough to ring the doorbell. Before answering the door, Ruthie asks, "Who is it?" Cecilia's father bellows, "It's Cecilia's father!" When Ruthie opens the door, he says, "I'm Cecilia's father." Yeah, dude, I think we got that part. He adds that he's "here to see Simon." With no Simon in sight, he has to content himself with asking RevCam, "Did you know that your son is planning on having sex with my daughter in the near future?"

At the church, RevBong is trying to tell Lucy and Kevin that he is in love with Roxanne, but Lucy won't believe him. She starts to say something nasty about Roxanne, but Kevin stops her. Chanandler's pretty pissed, though, and he tells Lucy that she will have to give the Sunday night sermon herself. After he leaves, Lucy freaks out. It must be hard to think up a sermon when you have a negative IQ, so she has my sympathy. Just kidding. You already know I'll probably never feel sympathetic toward her again.

Simon and Cecilia are in the CamPound living room with the CamRents and Cecilia's father. I guess the show budget didn't stretch to finding someone to play Cecilia's mother. Cecilia's father says he doesn't want Simon going anywhere near his daughter anymore. Much boring conversation results from this, with no one really agreeing on anything. RevCam seems reasonable, though, and that's a pretty refreshing change. Lucy comes in and asks, "Anyone got any ideas for a sermon?" I suppose this is meant to be comic relief. It's a shame they left out the "comic" part.

Annie is trying to convince a reluctant RevCam to attend the Sunday night service. Come on, Eric. You know Lucy's going to make a fool of herself. Don't you at least want to hear that? It's bound to cheer you up. Despite all of Annie's impassioned pleading, RevCam still refuses to go. Wow, you'd think he'd agree just to get Annie to shut up.

Ruthie is moping around her bedroom. I'll bet she's depressed to be a Camden. I mean, seriously -- wouldn't you be? Annoying Peter comes in, all dressed for church. Ruthie is pissed at him for wrecking her volcano. Or something. I can't be arsed to care. Peter claims that this experience has taught them both a valuable lesson: "That Sundays are for church!" God, Loserboy, that is one of the most presumptuous, butt-headed statements I've ever heard, and I'm sure that two-thirds of the world's people -- who are not Christian, by the way -- would be more than pleased to give you the ass-kicking you so richly deserve.

Lucky us -- we get to witness Lucy's first-ever sermon. And it's about as self-righteous and crappy as you'd expect it to be. After talking about how Sunday has traditionally been a day of resting and reflection, she meanders off on some weird tangent about children having the summers off from school. Then there's something else about people being too busy to spend their Sundays the way she thinks they should spend their Sundays. Honestly, I suspect Lucy wasn't able to think of anything, so she went to some doddering old senile lady who keeps a house full of cats and paid her to write this dreck. Case in point: "We're on the go seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year, and yet we wonder why children grow up so fast, why people need drugs to relax, why they need human contact, even if it's in the form of inappropriate, unfulfilling sex." Hey, I know I've had what you would probably call "inappropriate" sex, and I really resent your assumption that it was not fulfilling. What do you know anything about sex anyway? And if anyone around you is taking drugs to relax, it's probably because you're so damn irritating. Give us all a break and shut the hell up. ["Also...'on the go'?" -- Sars]

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7th Heaven




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