7th Heaven
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Hard Candy Mary Christmas

Here it is -- the episode we've all been waiting for…the Camden Christian Christmas Family Values Smorgasbord Special! Nothing says Christmas like Robbie left homeless on the Promenade. Are those matches he's using to warm his hands? Is that Santa Claus stalking up beside him? Oh, no…it's only RevCam.

At the pizza parlor, Little Orphan Robbie dumps sugar into his coffee and tells Daddy RevCam all his woes. He was kicked out of his girlfriend's house and now has no place to live. His mother lost her house and took off to Florida. He can't follow her because he wants to continue his college courses. His car was towed and he can't afford to reclaim it. All the shelters are full because it's so close to Christmas. RevCam seems a tiny bit sympathetic until Robbie reveals that he and Mary were secretly dating over the summer. RevCam dumps sugar into his own coffee in an effort to be funny and put-upon.

RevCam pokes his head into his own bedroom to apologize to Annie for being late. He has a surprise for her. She lies in bed with the quilt pulled up to her neck and says that she has a surprise for him, too. RevCam runs to get his surprise. Annie throws off the covers, showing us her opaque black negligee with its rather modest lacy neckline. She's wearing a robe over it, too, so it's not like she's half nude or sexy or anything. She sits up and poses ridiculously with one hand on the back of her head. RevCam and Robbie walk in. Annie screams. RevCam screams. Robbie screams. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so harsh. Annie didn't look bad. I mean, she wasn't attractive at all, but it wasn't anything to scream about. Plus, her own husband screamed first. I hope this show isn't going the way of those "hilarious" old comic strips of the seventies, like "The Lockhorns" and "For Better or Worse." I know there are people who think that husbands and wives hating each other is comic genius, but I'm not one of them and 7th Heaven doesn't need any more help being offensive. Annie tells Robbie to go downstairs and help himself to the contents of the refrigerator. RevCam explains that Robbie will be spending the night, but that now he'll want to stay forever. Then Eric insultingly asks Annie if there was some special occasion that he forgot. She says it's Friday as she slumps forward to show us the valley within her bosom. He says, "TGIF?" She throws a pillow at him. I guess Eric's off the Nookie List tonight. Oh, but he has Robbie now. I forgot about that.

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7th Heaven

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