7th Heaven

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Hard Candy Mary Christmas

John and Priscilla kiss over the hot stove while Matt tries his best to get their attention. "Mommy! Mommy!" he cries to John.

Mary calls the CamPound for the zillionth time. This time Robbie answers, and she recognizes his voice. She assumes that he's there because he's dating Lucy. He doesn't correct her. RevCam walks in and Robbie hands the phone to him. Eric tells Mary that he misses her. She totally hangs up on his ass. Dang, that's cold. No wonder RevCam wants to live with Robbie instead of his own daughter.

At his front door, Mike tells Lucy that if she comes into his house, there's no going back. Lucy walks in to find Mike's mom sitting, catatonic, in the living room. They talk to her as if she can hear them, then go to the other room so Mike can explain. His mother has been this way since his dad died. Lucy pities him. He tells her not to worry because he's strong, he's alive, and he's grateful for every second of every day. "You're the most amazing guy I've ever not kissed," says Lucy. If Mike is grateful for that moment, then I pity him, too. He reminds Lucy that they agreed not to kiss until she got her acceptance letter. Then he excuses himself to continue caring for his sick mother. Lucy takes a letter out of her pocket, weighs it in her hands, puts it back into her pocket, and leaves. I'm glad that the future of Lucy's education is so closely correlated with making out with some guy. She should be proud.

John and Priscilla kiss at the dinner table. Matt talks non-stop and is ignored.

The Camdens sit down for dinner. "We usually start dinner with grace," says RevCam. "Allow me," says Robbie. There's a long dramatic pause. Robbie apologizes, then busts out with, "Father, please know how grateful I am. I was homeless, now I'm not." He goes on in that vein with a tear rolling down his cheek. He's the most grateful man to ever walk the earth as he asks God to bless the Camdens. Annie and the kids gulp and hold back their own tears. After a brown-nosing like that, how can Robbie not move in for the rest of the season?

After dinner, John hints for Matt to leave. He doesn't, so John proposes to Priscilla in front of him. Priscilla screams in her surprise and joy. Matt screams in his poor attempt at comic acting.

Some teenage guy is in Mary's room, complaining that his mother won't let him spend the night at her house anymore. Mary makes him call the CamPound and get Lucy on the phone. Then she snatches the phone away so she can threaten to fly back to Glenoak and "kick [Lucy's] butt." There's a long conversation straight from the Sitcom Museum of Antiquity during which Mary complains because she thinks Lucy's dating Robbie, but unknowing Lucy thinks she's complaining about Robbie living with them. Mary hangs up and tells her co-caller to get out. He asks if he can get a kiss, since she woke him up and all. She angrily kisses him and shoves his smiling face out the door. Who the hell was that guy? I thought they were cousins. Well, maybe they were and that's what the next PSA will address.

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7th Heaven




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