Up in the Treehouse, Ruthie bolts the door and tells her friend, "We'll be safe here." The friend looks around the garage apartment and then nods politely, even though she's probably hoping she won't fall through the floor of the poorly constructed Treehouse.
In the real Opening Credits Timewaster, Lucy walks into her bedroom to see that it's even filthier than usual. It looks like it's been tossed by a thief who was looking for nice clothing, but when all she saw was what the girls wear, she trashed the room out of spite. Lucy throws a few things randomly into drawers, shouting for Mary all the while. When the stupid skank arrives, Lucy starts accusing her of "plundering and pilfering" her stuff. When Mary maintains that she didn't "plunder or pilfer" anything, Lucy says, "Oh, really? Define either one of them." Mary doesn't have a clue, which is pretty damn funny. Lucy points out that Mary is currently wearing one of her shirts, a totally fugly number in pale yellow, with puffy light-blue stripes at the shoulders. Really, Lucy should be thanking her for taking it. Mary whines that all her make-up is missing but that she didn't accuse Lucy of taking it. Obviously not all of it is gone, since what Mary's wearing on her face right now would easily take care of my make-up needs for a year or two.
The next big mystery is what happened to Dopey's Hello Kitty sheets. In another delightful display of family values, he accuses Simon of stealing them. Simon comes up with the boneheaded suggestion that Robbie brought the sheets with him to Florida, where he's supposedly visiting his mother. I'm inclined to believe the rumors that Adam LaVorgna was in rehab while this episode was being taped. After all, having to play Robbie Palmer opposite Jessica Biel every week would surely be enough to drive someone to abuse a substance or two. So if the rumors are true, at least he's getting help. Good for him. I wish him well. Simon tells Dopey to calm down and grab another set of sheets from the linen closet. Dopey haughtily tells him he's "grown accustomed to the Kitty sheets." Instead of snickering madly at his brother, Simon takes the polite route and merely changes the subject, mentioning that he's missing his pillow and his Gameboy.
Down in the CamKitchen, Annie is freaking out because she thinks someone has stolen the CamFood. Mary sulkily says that she didn't do it. Annie gives her a little pep talk, trying to convince her that nobody's accusing her of anything. She even explains the difference between someone asking and accusing, as if Mary were a five-year-old -- which, in many ways, she is. I think it's hilarious that the writers are finally trying to riff on her stupidity. It certainly took them long enough to capitalize on what the viewers have been laughing at all along. When Dopey and Simon walk in, SuperMom starts complaining about the missing cheese and luncheon meat, holding up the remaining mangy bologna slice for everyone's inspection. Ugh, she's also holding up an individually wrapped processed cheese slice. Isn't that the stuff that's called "cheese food"? I guess they have to explain that it's edible, since you'd never guess that from its smell or texture. No wonder the CamKids are so stupid if they're never receiving any nutrients from their food. SuperMom melodramatically threatens that whoever has eaten the vile "food" will have to go to the store and replace it. As she asks, "Now, who ate it?" she curls up her lips in a way that makes her resemble Popeye. Despite that, RevCam still calls her "a creature of strength and beauty." What that has to do with anything, I'm not sure. In any case, no one is admitting to stealing the "cheese food." When Lucy comes in and starts complaining about someone going through her drawers (tee hee), RevCam attempts to solve the mystery by asking, "Who is missing?" SuperMom actually has to count her children, which is pretty pathetic. She and RevCam smile at each other when they realize Ruthie is the missing one.
Ruthie is still in the Treehouse with this week's Tertiary Character In Need. She has indeed taken all the missing items and stashed them there. How she got all that crap out of the house without being caught is mind-boggling. And doesn't "cheese food" need to be refrigerated? Ruthie tries to entice her friend to play with Simon's Gameboy or Mary's makeup. Shaking her head the entire time, Ruthie's friend gives a little speech about this being their "secret place, where everything is nice and nothing bad happens." Considering this is the place where the con man carpenter fell and threatened to sue the Camdens, the place where Cruella banished the kids when they defied her, and the place where the kids played that nasty, stupid game of Survivor, I'd say plenty of bad things have happened here already. Ruthie's friend's wooden "acting" is just the icing on the cake. I feel a little bad saying that, since the girl is cute and soft-spoken and seems like a very gentle person, but I think it's safe to say we have finally seen the worst acting on this show. Ever. What the hell was Brenda thinking? Who cares whether the part of the Muslim girl is played by a real Muslim?