I'm rejoicing because I managed to hit the fast-forward button before the lame-o theme song started. It's the little things that count.
In time-honoured 7th Heaven tradition, nothing even vaguely interesting happens for the next few minutes of the show. Credits are displayed while Mary wanders through the CamPound, looking for someone, anyone, to talk to. Finally, Annie comes in and greets Mary, just as RevCam walks in the back door, struggling with Mary's huge duffel bag. Annie tries to make small talk, but obviously Mary doesn't give a flying fuck about her parents; she just wants to know where Robbie is. SuperMom explains something about Robbie being held up at soccer practice. Amazingly, Mary asks about the other family members, but it seems none of them can be bothered to be around for her homecoming. Annie tries to soften the blow, but I'm laughing too hard to hear what she says. I do make note of the fact that Simon is going out with Sasha tonight. Actually, that's pretty funny too, because she's that hot-and-horny senior girl who allegedly wants freshman Simon. I'm sure the odds of anything like that ever happening are about the same as the possibility of Dopey completing med school. Mary starts hauling her huge bag upstairs. The CamRents wait at least until she's reached the first landing before they start discussing her and how they're anxious about the visit. They also speculate on whether Robbie and Mary will have sex, except they call it "do[ing] something stupid." You can insert your own CamRent contraception joke here.
Upstairs, Simon strolls by. Unfortunately he's shirtless again. But at least he doesn't stop to chat when he sees Mary; he just keeps walking and says, "How you doin'?" Now Mary's getting upset, especially when Ruthie doesn't display any interest in her either. For reasons never explained, Ruthie is wearing a yellow babushka made out of a bandana. Lucy comes in, and she and Ruthie discuss allergies and soccer while pretty much ignoring Mary. Hee. This is one of the best episodes ever! I'm sure that won't last, but for now, it's funny to see Mary huff out of the room because no one's paying any attention to her.
Robbie demonstrates that his Camden conversion is complete by discussing his own very personal romantic business with Matt and saying things like, "I'm not planning on doing anything, especially anything that wouldn't meet with the family's approval." Gross. Even grosser is Dopey's hair. Hey Matt, Liza Minnelli called and she wants her hair back. You might as well give it to her, because the gamine look is not doing anything for you anyway.