7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: D+ | 1 USERS: D

I'm not sure, exactly, why Mary is driving her old sports car around. I know RevCam illegally seized it, but I don't recall seeing it since Mary left town. Oh well, I'm sure there's no logic involved, so I should just quit thinking about it. Anyway, Mary and Robbie are arguing over...yes, the stupid condom. You'd never be able to guess this turn of plot, but Mary does not believe Robbie when he says the condom is not his. Is there anyone on this show who even vaguely trusts anyone else? What a nasty world it would be if one had to be completely suspicious of everything anyone does. It's an all-around nasty world the Camdens live in, because after Robbie tells Mary the mystery wallet belongs to Simon, he calls Sasha both "experienced" and "selfish." Since Robbie doesn't exactly know Sasha, how would he know that she's selfish? I'll bet we're supposed to think that she's selfish because she came on to Simon instead of sitting back and waiting for the man to make the first move. Mary puts forth the same baseless argument that Dopey did, saying that Simon would never have sex because he's only fifteen. When Robbie says, "Anything is possible," Mary uses it as an annoying segue into discussing her "plan." Robbie couldn't care less about her plan, because now he's all gung-ho to go interrupt Simon's date. How very...Camden of him. He ungraciously agrees to listen to Mary's plan before stalking Simon. Mary starts off by reminding him of how he wanted to get married last year but that she wasn't ready. Beyond that, her only plan seems to be to make out with him, because that's what she proceeds to do.

While Mary and Robbie aren't exactly playing board games, the rest of the Camdens are, though Lucy takes time out to talk about how she suspects Simon is out on a real date with Sasha. The other detestable spawn join in, even though Annie is trying to be the voice of reason. RevCam interrupts this ugly scene by walking in with a package. He apologizes for taking so long, claiming there was traffic. Dopey doesn't believe this excuse, and as always, he has no qualms about making his views known. RevCam is very offended when Dopey accuses him of spying, but I'm actually somewhat impressed that they're bringing it into the open, especially when Lucy accuses Eric of having a double standard because he spied on her and Mary and not on Simon. Ruthie offers up her opinion that they would all be surprised "if Simon weren't making out." Annie tries to take the high road again by sticking up for Simon, but she's pretty much outnumbered.

Dopey and RevCam repair to the kitchen to have a very manly discussion about Simon's sex life, in which it is revealed that RevCam did indeed go by Sasha's house on his way back from the ice cream parlour, and that he also looked for Mary and Robbie down at the Promenade. After learning about the evil condom, RevCam decides it's necessary to stalk again. When he tells the rest of the family he has to go back to the ice cream parlour, they all volunteer to join him on his stalking mission. Annie is positively giddy about the notion, and Ruthie even calls it spying. That still doesn't make it cute. Far from it.

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7th Heaven




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