7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: D+ | 1 USERS: D

Dopey spies about as well as he does anything else, standing right in front of a well-lit window. Sasha and Simon are sitting on the couch watching a movie, but there are lots of other people in the room with them. Sasha notices the Dopester taking in the scene from the window, and she elbows Simon to point out his brother. Simon jumps up and starts running after Matt, who is bounding down the driveway, yelling at Eric to drive away. Oh wait, he meant with Matt. Hyuk hyuk. Dopey starts running down the street after the CamVan, with Simon in full pursuit. Mary and Robbie drive past the van, and Mary stops to ask Robbie if it was her family. Dopey and Simon run by next. Instead of chasing after them all in Mary's car, like normal people would do, Robbie sends Mary home and joins in the macho chase on foot.

Dopey is winded, and the chase doesn't last much longer. Both Robbie and Simon want to know what is going on. Simon guesses correctly that his entire family had been spying on him. I'd feel sorrier for him than I do, but he's proven himself to be pretty cretinous in the busybody department at times. Eric runs over from the opposite direction, turning the trio of losers into a quartet of dumb-asses. I guess he sent the rest of the women home, seeing as how condoms are men's business and all. RevCam demands to know whether the mysterious wallet belongs to Simon. Simon admits that it does. Then RevCam wants to know how Simon got a condom. That's a pretty pathetic question. Condoms aren't exactly a controlled substance, and really, they shouldn't be. Simon won't tell his father where he acquired the evil condom, but Robbie admits to giving it to Simon. We get camera shots of everyone's shocked expressions, almost as if this admission were a big deal or something. Oops, in fucked-up Glenoak, I guess it is. Time for another commercial break so that RevCam can take some deep, soothing breaths.

After the break, all the guys are still standing in the middle of the road. Simon and Robbie are both rushing to take the blame. Robbie sucks up to RevCam by saying that obviously Simon should not be having sex. At least he gave Simon the condom when asked, but I don't recall anyone asking him whether or not Simon should have sex, so maybe he should just shut up. Simon tries to explain that being presented with the possibility of some action made him feel like a man. He adds, "That's what men do, men have sex." Robbie looks over at Dopey, who tries not to look embarrassed. That was pretty damn funny. Simon also explains that when propositioned, he said no. It just about kills RevCam to praise him for that, but he just barely manages it. You can tell he wants to go back to not trusting, though. Sucky Simon picks up some more brownie points for having made Sasha call people over so that he wouldn't be lying to his parents about there being a group of people at Sasha's. Simon whines about how RevCam didn't trust him, then says something about not trusting himself, which I think refers to him asking for the condom in the first place. Dopey pipes up with the assertion that nobody trusted Simon. I hope against hope that Dopey will get hit by a car.

The guys all start walking home, and RevCam reams out Robbie for giving Simon the condom. He says that "there are some things that should be left to the parents." Is this the writers' "subtle" way of implying that kids shouldn't have access to birth control without parental consent? I hope not, because I can think of a million reasons why that's not such a good idea. Dopey asks why Simon didn't come to him for a condom. Simon lies and says it's because RevCam raised Matt. I guess the real reason -- that Dopey is hoping to become the world's oldest virgin -- wouldn't have gone over too well with the censors.

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7th Heaven




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