7th Heaven
Tangled Web We Weaved

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
You Can't Spell "Exposit" Without S-E-X

Simon and Matt are on the phone. Matt lectures Simon about casual sex and its "miserable" consequences. "You're really not ready for that kind of relationship," Matt lectures to Simon, as if he was just the picture of maturity when he married PC on his first date and then was afraid to tell his parents about it. Simon tells Matt that he told RevCam that Kirstie Alley could face some serious consequences of her own if she doesn't try to slim down, like diabetes or heart trouble, so that he wouldn't have to tell him about the STD. Matt is pissed that Simon thought covering Mary's ass was important enough to lie to the CamRents, but not more important than keeping his own news about the STD from them.

Everyone is sitting around the kitchen table eating waffles. RevCam arrives. How the hell far away is Simon's school? Because originally, we were led to believe that it was, like, a day's drive away, but now it seems like it's just down the street. Anyway, Mac and Vincent take off when they see RevCam, as people are often wont to do, and RevCam says he's very glad everyone waited up for him, like they had a choice. Well, Kevin and Lucy have a choice. They could, oh, I don't know, MOVE OUT. "I made waffles!" Annie reports, handing him a plate. Don't worry about the consequences RevCam's heart will face for eating late-night snacks, however, because I'll bet it just stopped in utter defeat when he said this little gem of a line: "Waffles. Goes so well with the truth." Then he grabs the syrup, so I guess that goes well with the truth too.

After the commercial, Martin leaves the kitchen. Annie says she won't be going to New York anymore, now that she knows about Kirstie Alley. See, now, this actually would have been a GOOD place to for the Mary's Terrible Secret Exposition, because it would have made for good drama to see Annie's reaction to it. Or, it would have if this show weren't so badly written and Catherine Hicks weren't so weird. But, of course, it all occurs during the commercial break, while the unnecessary exposition runs rampant throughout the show. Suddenly, it occurs to everyone that Carlos might not even know that Mary has left him. I guess they're basing this ridiculous assumption on Matt, who still doesn't know that PC has left him even though it's been a year. He just thinks she isn't home because she's on rotation. And all her stuff is gone because of some weird Jewish ritual to give everything you own away. And she doesn't talk to him when she does see him because she has a bad sore throat. And she's been spending a lot of time with the hunky resident lately for tutoring purposes. And those papers he signed that said "Dissolution of Marriage" were just part of their chemistry lab about solutions and solvents. RevCam wonders if Mary even actually left Carlos; maybe she just moved to a different city to advance herself in her job. Yeah, I guess jetBlue's advanced classes on drink disbursement and disposal aren't held in New York City. RevCam says they should just talk to Mary. The kids say she won't return their phone calls. Ha! Mary rules. Lucy asks RevCam if Simon talked to him about anything else when RevCam was there. Kevin covers for her gaffe quickly, then takes her off to bed before she can do any more damage. He should just do that in the beginning of every episode. Ruthie leaves as well.

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7th Heaven




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