7th Heaven
Tangled Web We Weaved

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Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
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You Can't Spell "Exposit" Without S-E-X

Just as Prof. Slut is about to reveal her secret, we cut to Lucy putting socks on Savannah. Babies wearing socks are cute and all, but the fact that we just cut away from a revelation that we invested five minutes hearing the build-up of before it happened is freaking ridiculous. Typical of this show, but still ridiculous. Especially when you consider the weak-ass and anticlimactic way this information is revealed later in the show. Anyway, Annie ruins a cute moment by entering the scene and making some silly faces. Then she starts fervently asserting that she loves all of her daughters, because sometimes when you don't actually feel something that you're supposed to, you lie to people that you do to try to convince yourself of it. Suddenly, Annie swings into angry mode and says she doesn't understand why Mary didn't tell her that she was pregnant again. In a rare moment of rational thinking and personal responsibility, Annie says that this is her fault because she doesn't talk to Mary enough and she never visits her. This is quickly reversed, however, by Annie's subsequent on-the-spot decision to go to New York. She opens her mouth wide in celebration, grunts, and waddles out of the room. Lucy flips her cell phone open and calls Simon.

Simon isn't answering his phone. It might be because he can't hear it ringing, what with the loudly blaring Pianos of Sadness playing as he sits around sulking. The music fades, leaving poor Simon with only Lucy's voice leaving a message on his machine, nagging him to call her back immediately so they can come up with a "game plan." Simon picks up his phone, but instead of calling Lucy, he calls Matt. He then leaves this brilliant message: "Uh, hey, Matt, it's uh, it's me. It's Simon. Simon Camden." He should have said his middle name too, just in case Matt confuses him with all those other Simon Camdens he knows. Simon asks Matt to call him back as soon as he can because Simon is "in trouble. Possibly." Y'all, I am on the edge of my seat with suspense here.

And we go from one phone conversation to another, as Annie is on the phone with RevCam, who is hanging out in front of his ugly stained glass window at the Church Office, telling him about her crazy New York plan. She'll just hop on a plane to New York after church tomorrow. It couldn't be easier! RevCam wants to go too, but doesn't want to leave SamVid in the apparently less-than-capable hands of Lucy and Kevin, like he is any sort of improvement over them. RevCam has just gotten off the phone with Annie when his phone rings again. This time it's Matt, asking if he left his cell phone back in Glenoak. RevCam pulls open his desk drawer and lo and behold! Matt's cell phone is right there! Matt says he's been waiting for a call from the doctor he worked with when he was in Glenoak, but he hasn't been able to check his cell phone messages from another phone because "for some reason, it's not working." That reason being, of course, that the writers couldn't think of an actual reason because that makes no freaking sense. Anyway, this is a good opportunity for Matt to go buy a replacement cell phone, one with a big "OFF" button on it and one of those bright pink sunglasses straps attached so that Matt can wear it around his neck and never lose it again. One suggestion, however: try to buy a phone from the current century this time, okay, Dopey?

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7th Heaven

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