7th Heaven
Tangled Web We Weaved

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Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
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You Can't Spell "Exposit" Without S-E-X

Martin and Ruthie play a rousing (and sinless!) game of "Go Fish" in the kitchen. We hear a loud crashing noise off-screen (come on, bored sound effects team! That would have been the PERFECT place for a slide whistle!), and then, five minutes later, Ruthie says she heard something outside. She sends Martin to investigate (please let it be Kevin holding his gun, please please please!) and he opens the back door to reveal...Mac. Mac enters the kitchen, takes a seat next to Ruthie, and starts in with the charming sympathetic ear act. He tells Ruthie that he knows about divorce, having parents who did it. Evil, horrible parents. Ruthie says Mary is a "long way" from divorce, although when you move out on your husband and child for a "hiatus from reality," it kinda seems to me like you're not all that far away from divorce. Just look at Matt and PC, whose separation led to their secret divorce last season. There's another knock at the door, and it's Vincent, who wants to tell Ruthie that neither Mac nor Martin thinks of Ruthie as "just like a sister." Or do they? "I know that," says Ruthie, and that's the end of that storyline. Ruthie asks Vincent if he was "hanging out" (read: hiding in the bushes and occasionally peering into the CamPound through an open window) in the backyard to see how long Martin stayed in the CamPound, and Vincent freely admits that he was. Martin makes a "what a weirdo!" face that isn't quite so effective when you consider that the person making it has a crush on the girl he's been referring to as "like a sister" for this entire season.

The phone rings. Ruthie wonders who is calling at such a late hour. Maybe it's Carlos, now that he's awake from the constant ringing in his house all night long. Lucy and Kevin run downstairs and also wonder who is calling. Everyone stands around for five minutes, and then it occurs to Ruthie that when phones ring and you want to know who is on the other end of them, it's more effective to actually answer the phone than it is to sit around and have a conference about it. By now the phone has stopped ringing, so everyone wonders who picked it up. Oh my god, even dead people are more proactive than this! Suddenly, Annie runs downstairs with a big, crazy smile on her face and puts her claws on Ruthie's shoulders as she says that she's happy to see everyone together. This immediately alerts everyone that Something Is Wrong. Annie explains that RevCam just called, and in the five seconds he had to talk, he managed to tell Annie that he went to visit Simon and he's coming back and everyone is to eat waffles and wait up for him. Apparently, RevCam and Annie used to eat waffles when they were staying up and waiting for Matt, Mary, and Lucy to come home from their dates. We've never heard about this before, and in earlier seasons, there were plenty of times when we saw Annie and RevCam waiting up for their kids, and they were never eating waffles. You know who probably eats a lot of waffles though? Kirstie Alley. Mac says he'd love a waffle, but everyone else would rather go to bed. Annie says this is not an option, as she explains while hovering over Ruthie and playing with her hair in a show of dominance that RevCam wants everyone in the kitchen eating some goddamn waffles when he gets home. Vincent says he'll be staying as long as Martin and Mac do, as if those two would just be jumping Ruthie's bones in the middle of the kitchen if he weren't there to protect her. ["I just threw up in my mouth." -- Sars]

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7th Heaven

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