7th Heaven
Teased

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Cate: B | 1 USERS: A+
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Teased

Oh, here's Dopey and Cheryl, making out in his car in front of the clinic where he works. The two keep going at it until a nurse comes out from the clinic and tells Dopey to get to work. The nurse calls Matt "Hot Lips," and then beams profusely as though she had just said something clever, or even faintly amusing.

Cheryl drives off in Dopey's car, stopping when she sees Simon waiting for a bus. The extremely bright sunlight shows that Cheryl's makeup is about an inch thick. How unfortunate. She finds out that Simon took the wrong bus while trying to get home. I'd love to make fun of him, but, um, I've done that myself. Cheryl offers Simon a ride home, and a chance to talk. He accepts the ride but declines to talk to her, which seems a little rude -- though not nearly as rude as Simon usually is these days.

Lucy and Mary are carrying on one of their delightful long-distance phone conversations while Mary lights a candle, paying no mind to the fact that it's a little too close to a curtain. She earnestly explains to Lucy that she wants to be a firefighter, mainly because she can't think of anything else to do with her life. While she insults Lucy, we see that the candle she lit has set her bedroom curtains on fire. If only a wise and sober patriarch had lit that candle instead!

Back at the CamPound, RevCam must really hate Chandler's Mom, because he's subjecting her to the ritual of dinner with his family. He introduces everyone to her, then introduces her as "Bird." Robbie explains that he is the ex-boyfriend of Mary, who's not present. I still don't understand why he feels the need to assert that Mary is in "New York," rather than Buffalo, but he does. At least no one says "back east" this time. While Chandler's Mom recites back all the names of the kids, Ruthie comes up with a nickname for Lucy, in reference to the fact that the older girl just ditched her fiancé: "We'll call you Lady Liberty, after the Statue of Liberty, because you got your freedom in New York." Even Lucy is bright enough to realize that this idea is…stupid! Dopey struts in and tells people to call him "Hot Lips." But Matt, you already have a perfect nickname. I spent three seconds thinking it up for you! Are you telling me you don't like to be called "Dopey"? Because don't imagine for even a second that anyone would actually call you Hot Lips. Dopey does his usual frantic, overblown uncomedy routine; I avert my gaze. Annie leaves to fix an extra plate. When Ruthie asks how Bird got her nickname, Chandler's Mom stands up and explains that she has "bird legs." To demonstrate her point, she raises her skirt over her knee and does a little shimmy to show off her legs. It's pretty tame stuff, but that doesn't stop Annie from doing a slow burn when she walks in during the middle of it. She suggests that they all call Bird by her real name, since Eric has a "weak heart." How very 1947 of her. Simon asks Dopey about the Hot Lips situation. Matt explains something about not being able to work at the clinic until the clinic doctor gets the "legal department" to sort out whether the nurses calling Dopey Hot Lips is a sexual harassment issue for the clinic. It's all very convoluted, and I don't have the patience to sort it out. I'm too busy staring at the immense dining room table, which is just loaded down with food. Honestly, I don't know how Annie does it. Has she been cooking nonstop since dawn?

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7th Heaven

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