7th Heaven

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Cornucopia of Crazy

We open on RevCam and Annie attempting to wash dishes in their pitch-black kitchen. There is a knock at the back door, and once Annie is able to use her built-in sonar to locate the door, it is opened to reveal…David Cassidy and Susan Dey! What a strange, yet still welcome, cameo! Oh, but it's not them at all -- it's Matt and PC, although Matt, with his geeky smile and long, slicked-back (yet still, oddly, poofy) hair is looking more like Keith Partridge than ever. "Oh. You're here," says Annie, not sounding quite as happy to see her son and daughter-in-law as you would expect. RevCam hugs them both and invites them in as Annie glares. "Isn't this a great surprise, Annie?" RevCam asks, noting that Matt and PC are here a week earlier than they were supposed to be. PC says they scored some free passes from Mary and were able to get seats on a flight, even on short notice the week before THE BUSIEST TRAVEL HOLIDAY OF THE ENTIRE YEAR. RevCam asks Annie if she's happy to see the couple, and Annie responds with a glower. She asks what happened to Matt and PC's plans to be home for Thanksgiving, and Matt explains that there are some jobs in this world that require one to work on holidays, and faux-doctor is one of them. So they thought they'd come the week before instead. RevCam thinks this is awesome, and says that he and Annie understand how busy Matt and PC's med student schedules are. He asks Annie for confirmation of this, but all she does is pout and rock from side to side as she says in a scary, even tone: "I haven't had the entire family together for Thanksgiving or any holiday for years. I wanted this Thanksgiving to be different. This Thanksgiving I wanted everyone, together, under one roof. I'm going to go check on the twins now." And then she leaves. RevCam apologizes for Annie, saying that she's really into Thanksgiving and having the whole family around this year. Matt and PC break the news that not only won't they be there, but Mary will be off having a better career, and Simon has to work at the campus radio station and "can't get away." RevCam thinks about this and how his wife will react to the news. He asks Matt and PC if they could tell Annie about this instead of him, to which they respond with an immediate and enthusiastic "no," leading me to believe that Matt is smarter than I thought.

For our Opening Credits Timewaster, we get a nice close-up of Annie's paw as she vigorously unseeds a squash, even though it's still a week before Thanksgiving. Prepare much, Annie? She then checks on what appears to be a block of ice cooking on the stove as RevCam enters. "What's cooking?" he asks. "WAX," Annie screams. Wow, guess things have gotten kinky in the CamBoudoir. Oh, apparently the wax is for some homemade Thanksgiving decorations, because while some people just buy a picture of a cornucopia and stick it on their front door, Annie is rocking the "gourd candles," leaf-stenciled tablecloth, and a seasonal leaf and berry garnish for the "buffet" table I wasn't aware the Camdens even had. How can they have "seasonal" leaves and berries in Glenoak when they don't even have seasons? Annie reports that she's having trouble locating the turkey-shaped Jell-O molds, and let's just hope she does, because a party's not a party until the well-meaning but extremely ooky and unappetizing Jell-O salad shows up! Annie laments that she still hasn't finalized the menu, even though Thanksgiving is like the only day of the year where the menu is pretty much set. It's turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and cranberries, Annie, plus or minus whatever family traditions you may have. Learn it, live it, love it.

When Annie's spiel is complete, all RevCam can do is stare at her. With a sharp intake of breath, he summons up all his courage in the face of imminent danger and asks Annie if she might be taking Thanksgiving a little bit too far this year. "I don't recall our ever making this big of a deal out of Thanksgiving before," says RevCam, gently suggesting that perhaps they could just go out to eat for the holiday and save everyone some grief. Well, everyone except for the Chinese restaurant that has to deal with their stupid asses. Or not, since Annie puts on her Disgusted Clownface (oh, how long have I missed thee!) and says they have never gone out for Thanksgiving and they aren't going to start now. "I like Thanksgiving," she says, as the grimace she's sporting can attest. She's especially excited because this will be baby Charlie's first Thanksgiving (well, besides the three he enjoyed while in the womb), and I'm sure the six-month-old child will really enjoy those gourd candles. "It's a BIG ONE!" Annie shrieks, most likely talking about the holiday, since I don't see anything else in the kitchen that would warrant such a description, like, say, RevCam's backbone.

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7th Heaven




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