7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | Grade It Now!
Cornucopia of Crazy

In the backyard, RevCam finds Kevin wandering around, grousing about how Lucy has been torturing him all day, and has now sent him on a mission to find acorns that will be used as Thanksgiving napkin holders. Looks like we're gearing up for The Battle of the Lamest Thanksgiving Decorations! Kevin says that Lucy is making menus for the day and generally copying her mother, and he just wants to spend the day eating and watching football, "the way God intended." Kevin continues that he'll do whatever Lucy wants since she's pregnant, even though he doesn't know what an acorn looks like, which is just bizarre since I'm pretty sure they have them in Buffalo, where Kevin grew up, don't they? Kevin is still talking, but RevCam has had enough, so he rudely walks away when Kevin is in mid-sentence.

RevCam finds Lucy in the Treehouse of Lurv, where she is bent over a number of books, no doubt studying hard for her upcoming finals. Oh, no, wait, she's just planning her Thanksgiving menu, which will feature chestnut stuffing, succotash, and something called "apple pandowdy." I don't know what that is, so I certainly don't know how to spell it, and I've already used up my recap research time allotment trying to figure out if they even celebrate Thanksgiving in Puerto Rico so I guess I'll never know. ["In case anyone cares." -- Sars] RevCam is as clueless about this last dish as I am, so Lucy explains that it was popular in the nineteenth century and that "Martha has dowdy-ed up by cutting the dough into pieces instead of leaving it whole." Geez, Lucy, give her a break. She's in JAIL. In WEST VIRGINIA. Things have to be a little dowdy there. And at least she has an excuse for it, while you have none for the satin-y vest you've chosen to wear. Lucy explains that she is doing Thanksgiving the Martha Way by using all her recipes and craft ideas. Lucy says she can't wait to put her "stamp" on it and "claim it as [her] own," even though she just said she was ripping off Martha Stewart, so it really has Martha's stamp on it, even if you do leave the pandowdy dough whole.

Oh, and Lucy's gone off the fucking deep end, as she says, "I also want Mom to be proud of me, so everything's got to be perfect, and you know, she shouldn't be in jail, especially during the holiday season. That's like cruel and unusual punishment." RevCam says that Annie isn't in jail, because people who are criminally insane have to go to mental institutions. Lucy says she was talking about Martha Stewart. I don't think being in jail during the holidays is cruel and unusual punishment. I do think having to recap an episode of this show in which at least two of the female leads have gone insane when I could be watching an advance screening of The Life Aquatic is cruel and unusual punishment. Anyway, Lucy is still going on about Martha Stewart and RevCam is just trying to get her to stop talking so he can leave. Lucy's talking about how a "scummy drug dealer" Kevin arrested didn't go to jail, but Martha did, and that's not justice, and obviously Lucy didn't take any Constitutional Law classes at Crawford Clown College. I was wondering where all of this pro-Martha sentiment was coming from (albeit like a year too late), and then someone in the forums pointed out that K-Mart has a deal with Martha Stewart and 7th Heaven. It's either that, or Brenda Hampton is about to get arrested for insider trading and she's hoping to influence anyone who may potentially be on her jury. This is not a bad plan either, as I have to imagine that there's a lot of crossover between the people who aren't smart enough to get out of jury duty and the people who think this show is enjoyable. RevCam asks Lucy if she talked to Annie about her plans, to which Lucy says she didn't, but she's sure Annie won't mind getting the day off. Besides, now that Lucy is a wife and almost-mother, it's time for Annie to retire. "Pass the spoon onto me," Lucy says, and it appears that Annie has at the very least passed her Hagface of Covert Hostility onto Lucy, if her grimace-posing-as-a-smile is anything to go by.

RevCam paces around the backyard, a pained look on his face. Kevin enters with a sack of walnuts and asks if he can pass them off as "really big acorns." He probably can, if he shows them to Lucy when she's preoccupied with mailing a care package of root vegetables to a correctional facility in West Virginia. "We have a problem," says RevCam. "Fine, I'll go find some fucking acorns," says Kevin, except he said "stinking" instead of "fucking," but I like "fucking" better here. RevCam says the problem isn't "those nuts," it's "our nuts." I guess this is a Very Special Episode about testicular cancer. Or not, since RevCam was, of course, talking about Crazy Annie and Loopy Lucy. He explains that their wives are going to have Dueling Thanksgivings this year unless Kevin can convince Lucy not to cook. Kevin tells RevCam to ask Annie not to cook, but RevCam says he'd "rather eat glass! Besides, Annie's way more manic than Lucy!" Although maybe not, since Kevin says that Lucy "thinks it's her wifely duty to do this. She bought an apron and everything." Interestingly enough, the same thing happened on their honeymoon. Suddenly, RevCam has a brilliant idea: Kevin will tell Annie the bad news about certain CamKids not being there, and RevCam will tell Lucy the bad news about her not being allowed to cook Thanksgiving dinner. The benefit of this plan, says RevCam, is that Lucy and Annie will go easier on the messengers because they're not their husbands. RevCam says he'll find out if he can get any more CamKids to come for the holiday, and they will meet in the backyard to discuss things later. Meanwhile, he wants Kevin to keep Lucy in her apartment so she doesn't talk to Annie. I don't think it'll too hard to keep Lucy in the Treehouse, seeing I don't think she's ventured into the outside world, except to register to vote and yell at her husband, since this season started.

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7th Heaven




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