Peter walks right by Ruthie on the sidewalk. She swivels and says she was just going to his house to mooch. He says flatly that she doesn't want to be at his house right now. Why? Because his "mom's date slept over last night." And Peter "hate[s] him." Date is a new neighbor, and "they stayed up all night talking." Then a silver sports car pulls up. The driver is Date. He offers Peter a ride to school. Peter refuses. Well, how about a "talk" tonight? You know: "Man to man." Date says it with a sneer in his voice. Peter says nothing, and Date drives off saying, "See you tonight!" Peter is less than thrilled.
CamPound. Eric walks into the kitchen and sees Chandler, who says he's "gassed up the car" and is all ready to go. Eric laughs at Chandler's naive fundraising enthusiasm. Fundraising, like war, is hell.
Cop Station. Roxanne talks at, not to, Kevin. Something about homicides, two monkeys, and a mongoose. He looks straight ahead, then asks her if she said something. She says, "That must have been some honeymoon. SO?" Oh, crap. Please, please do not share. Kevin says, thank god, that he's "not discussing it with anyone." Roxanne leans in and says to think of her as "one of the guys." Kevin lies and says that "guys don't talk about this kind of stuff," and then, "don't you have any women friends you can talk to?" Oh no. Please do not call Lucy.
Chandler and the Rev head up a walkway towards a Glenoak home. Eric says that this person is "not in church every week," but was a member, and is "a piece of work" as well as "their best fundraiser." Hey, it's Eileen Brennan! How cool. Why does this show get so many great guest stars? I honestly do not understand how that happens. What, do they promise each guest their weight in hookers and blow? Or weed and brownies? Or is it more of a blackmailing thing? Eileen Brennan takes one look at Chandler and lays on the charm, calling him "handsome" and such. She looks at Eric and asks when he got back. Then she grabs Chandler's hand to lead him inside and says, "Let's get this party started." This fundraising party? But I thought fundraising was supposed to be hell? Whatever.
CamPound. The phone rings. It's "Paris...Petrowski. Paris Petrowski." She does not add, "Peter's mom. Peter Petrowski's mom? Paris Petrowski, Peter Petrowski's mom? Peter Peter Apple-Stealer, that is?" Peter never went into school today, and he's not home, either. Is he at the CamPound? No, and Annie says the school would have called her if Ruthie bailed along with Peter. We get a boring, unimaginative split screen of the two moms talking. Then, Paris drops the first bomb in the SevHev ongoing campaign of Operation Upchuck and Aww: "I know this sounds terrible, but I'd feel better if Ruthie and Peter went missing together." What? WHAT? She wishes Ruthie were missing TOO? What kind of fucked-up thing is that to hope for? ["Anyone on the boards want to take this one?" -- Sars] Paris spills the beans about how this new man in her life is "making Peter angry," and that they "stayed up talking and fell asleep on the couch," and Date was there when Peter woke up. She stresses that they "didn't really do anything." No unmarried sex? Well, of course not. That would be sad and wrong. Annie says she'll call the school and send out rescue pigeons and such. The split screen rolls away, then we see Paris STILL ON THE PHONE saying Peter "senses" she could "get serious" about this guy, who "has a lot of money" and "frankly, [Paris] could use some taking care of." Well, at least her values and priorities are in the right place.