CamPound. Kevin sacks out on the couch, and Lucy comes in, nattering about meeting Roxanne. Kevin says he's "exhausted" (from catching a kid outside a movie theater?) and she should go by herself. She does, saying she "really wants to see Roxanne." She does?
RevEric talks to Mrs. Bink. People are mad about the fundraising. Mrs. Bink speaks for us all when she says, "Do we really care?" Eric says, "Some people felt slightly...threatened." Mrs. Bink: "And?" Exactly. Eric asks if she's feeling all right, or if she's having "any health problems." Just "cancer," but her "prognosis is good," and she's "going to be fine." Did "that weasel, Chandler" tell him? No. But who else knows? Just her doctors and "the nurse that gives [her] chemo. Who else needs to know?" RevEric says he does, with a grave face. Because it's all about him, remember? Mrs. Bink asks why he'd want to know, and he says it's because he can get her help. She laughs. Who else besides him and his family members? Well, "names escape [him]." She says that no one at church "gets" her or "likes" her, which is why she's so good at getting money out of people. She says people should "give of themselves just to share, share their good fortune. But they won't unless you threaten them, or reward them. That's why people need to believe in heaven and hell, don't you think?" Wow, Eileen Brennan should get an Emmy for her performance. I'm honestly scared right now!
Lucy and Roxanne are sitting at a table, breaking bread and having a friendly chat. Pigs fly around them, barking, as frogs rain down from the sky. Lucy says that "it's so nice to have a woman friend to talk to! Where was I?" Her pants were just on fire.
Ruthie and Peter have a fake-phone split screen conversation. His dog's head is right in his lap. In case you missed it, that's a D-O-G right there in the shot, yo. She says he's lucky to only have been grounded for two weeks. She'll see him in church, too! "Maybe it'll even help you!" He says he was "pretty angry" to skip school. And how is he feeling now? He's "feeling better about [his] mom, but not feeling better about Dick." Ha ha ha! Oh, my sides. Sorry, I just turned thirteen, and ha. Was Dick a little hard on Peter? Ha ha. Maybe Dick could soften up a bit. Oh, boy. I could go on. Dick appears in the doorway, stiff. Heh. He wants to talk to Peter. Peter says snottily that he's on the phone with Ruthie. Dick can't wait. Now, Dick, now. He walks in and Peter's DOG -- the dog, mind you -- barks and barks. Bark, dog, bark. Dick says, "Did you turn that dog against me?" Listen to the dog. They have a sense about these things. Dick just got divorced a few years ago, hasn't "dated much," and is lonely and horny, and dammit, can't he just bone Peter's mom without getting any smart-mouth backtalk? He's "crazy about her," and it's "been a long time since [he's] been crazy about someone." Peter asks why Dick is in "such a big rush." Hee! Peter thinks it's weird that Dick has mowed the lawn and cooked dinner and stuff. Why would he do that? Dick laughs and says he "like[s] helping out." Peter says it's like Dick wants to "take over." Dicks tend to do that. Peter's mom comes in and is all, heeey, what's going on here? Oh, just a bland, friendly, creepy conversation that's foreboding, ominous, and just a taste of what's to come, I'm sure! Paris asks about the check for the church, and Peter says he'll give it to Ruthie at school. Dick says he'd like to "help" and to "kick in." Peter says, "Don't worry about it," and the dog barks and snaps. Dick just nods and smiles like Greg Kinnear.