Cop Station. Roxanne talks at, not to, Kevin. Something about homicides, two monkeys, and a mongoose. He looks straight ahead, then asks her if she said something. She says, "That must have been some honeymoon. SO?" Oh, crap. Please, please do not share. Kevin says, thank god, that he's "not discussing it with anyone." Roxanne leans in and says to think of her as "one of the guys." Kevin lies and says that "guys don't talk about this kind of stuff," and then, "don't you have any women friends you can talk to?" Oh no. Please do not call Lucy.
Chandler and the Rev head up a walkway towards a Glenoak home. Eric says that this person is "not in church every week," but was a member, and is "a piece of work" as well as "their best fundraiser." Hey, it's Eileen Brennan! How cool. Why does this show get so many great guest stars? I honestly do not understand how that happens. What, do they promise each guest their weight in hookers and blow? Or weed and brownies? Or is it more of a blackmailing thing? Eileen Brennan takes one look at Chandler and lays on the charm, calling him "handsome" and such. She looks at Eric and asks when he got back. Then she grabs Chandler's hand to lead him inside and says, "Let's get this party started." This fundraising party? But I thought fundraising was supposed to be hell? Whatever.
CamPound. The phone rings. It's "Paris...Petrowski. Paris Petrowski." She does not add, "Peter's mom. Peter Petrowski's mom? Paris Petrowski, Peter Petrowski's mom? Peter Peter Apple-Stealer, that is?" Peter never went into school today, and he's not home, either. Is he at the CamPound? No, and Annie says the school would have called her if Ruthie bailed along with Peter. We get a boring, unimaginative split screen of the two moms talking. Then, Paris drops the first bomb in the SevHev ongoing campaign of Operation Upchuck and Aww: "I know this sounds terrible, but I'd feel better if Ruthie and Peter went missing together." What? WHAT? She wishes Ruthie were missing TOO? What kind of fucked-up thing is that to hope for? ["Anyone on the boards want to take this one?" -- Sars] Paris spills the beans about how this new man in her life is "making Peter angry," and that they "stayed up talking and fell asleep on the couch," and Date was there when Peter woke up. She stresses that they "didn't really do anything." No unmarried sex? Well, of course not. That would be sad and wrong. Annie says she'll call the school and send out rescue pigeons and such. The split screen rolls away, then we see Paris STILL ON THE PHONE saying Peter "senses" she could "get serious" about this guy, who "has a lot of money" and "frankly, [Paris] could use some taking care of." Well, at least her values and priorities are in the right place.
Rev and RevLite exit Mrs. Bink's house. She says she will work her "fundraising magic." The Rev says that Chandler is "too young and innocent" to see such things. What, is she going to pick up dollar bills with her pussy or something? The two Men of Cloth walk down the walk, and Eric asks how Chandler met La Bink. She called and wanted to "check him out without having to drive all the way down to the church." Sounds pious as hell. Rev asks RevLite if Mrs. Bink "looked all right" to him. Chandler says he doesn't know how she's supposed to look. Rev asks if she was the same as the first time Chandler met her. Chandler says it's "hard to say," then says she was "wickedly funny and seductive, in an elderly sort of way." Oh, boy. I think I have a problem with the word choice: "seductive." Could he not have said "engaging," or "engrossing," or "luminous," or "vibrant"? Because "seductive" implies some kind of attraction, and since RevLite has already dipped his wick very near to the Reverend's daughter Lucy, wouldn't the very idea of boning a senior member of his congregation be, oh, say, VERY NAUSEATING? Yes. Yes, it would. RevEric says that it's his "first day back" and his "instincts may be off," but he thinks RevLite is "lying." Is Mrs. Bink "sick?" Chandler looks extremely uncomfortable. Then, after pressing and looking at him with a wrinkled-up face, Eric tells him, "Don't betray her trust." Yeah, and don't interrogate him, chump.