7th Heaven
That Touch Of Bink (1)

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Lucy and Roxanne are sitting at a table, breaking bread and having a friendly chat. Pigs fly around them, barking, as frogs rain down from the sky. Lucy says that "it's so nice to have a woman friend to talk to! Where was I?" Her pants were just on fire.

Ruthie and Peter have a fake-phone split screen conversation. His dog's head is right in his lap. In case you missed it, that's a D-O-G right there in the shot, yo. She says he's lucky to only have been grounded for two weeks. She'll see him in church, too! "Maybe it'll even help you!" He says he was "pretty angry" to skip school. And how is he feeling now? He's "feeling better about [his] mom, but not feeling better about Dick." Ha ha ha! Oh, my sides. Sorry, I just turned thirteen, and ha. Was Dick a little hard on Peter? Ha ha. Maybe Dick could soften up a bit. Oh, boy. I could go on. Dick appears in the doorway, stiff. Heh. He wants to talk to Peter. Peter says snottily that he's on the phone with Ruthie. Dick can't wait. Now, Dick, now. He walks in and Peter's DOG -- the dog, mind you -- barks and barks. Bark, dog, bark. Dick says, "Did you turn that dog against me?" Listen to the dog. They have a sense about these things. Dick just got divorced a few years ago, hasn't "dated much," and is lonely and horny, and dammit, can't he just bone Peter's mom without getting any smart-mouth backtalk? He's "crazy about her," and it's "been a long time since [he's] been crazy about someone." Peter asks why Dick is in "such a big rush." Hee! Peter thinks it's weird that Dick has mowed the lawn and cooked dinner and stuff. Why would he do that? Dick laughs and says he "like[s] helping out." Peter says it's like Dick wants to "take over." Dicks tend to do that. Peter's mom comes in and is all, heeey, what's going on here? Oh, just a bland, friendly, creepy conversation that's foreboding, ominous, and just a taste of what's to come, I'm sure! Paris asks about the check for the church, and Peter says he'll give it to Ruthie at school. Dick says he'd like to "help" and to "kick in." Peter says, "Don't worry about it," and the dog barks and snaps. Dick just nods and smiles like Greg Kinnear.

Lucy and Roxanne, again, some more. Lucy says she "can't imagine being intimate with someone and not be married to them." Oh, and she "doesn't know how people have casual sex, there's nothing casual about it!" Roxanne's face falls. Oh, that SLUT! You mean to say she...well, I NEVAH! Lucy looks at the crestfallen Roxanne and says, "Ohh! Ohh!" She didn't mean to imply that Roxanne was a dirty, dirty slut or anything! "Sorry!" She "only knows about married sex!" And she didn't mean to offend her. Roxanne says she's "enjoyed hearing [Lucy] talk, and what [she] said really made [Roxanne] think." About what a shameful whore she is. God, I hate this show.

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7th Heaven

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