7th Heaven
The Anniversary

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | Grade It Now!
Incestual Healing

Paris comes to church, looking for RevCam. He's not there, of course, since RevCam hasn't worked in the last three seasons. Chandler is there, although he's hard to recognize because -- I'm pleased to report -- he got his hair did! It still looks pretty horrible, but the mullet is gone and it took a good fifteen pounds off of Jeremy London's face with it. Paris says she has a dilemma about Vic, so she doesn't think that Chandler is the best guy to talk about it with. Chandler says they're friends and she can talk about anything. So she does, and Chandler tells her to chill out and consider giving Vic another chance. I guess they cut off his balls when they cut off the mullet.

RevCam and Annie have never looked happier to be drying the dishes together. Maybe it's because there was a two-for-one sale down at the SuperCuts, so Annie got her hair done too! Either that, or she stole Ruthie's Dark and Lovely Relaxer Syystem (TM). Anyway, it looks a lot better. Hasn't taken any weight off her face, though. Lucy, Kevin, and Roxanne run in and announce that Matt is back in town. Kevin warns everyone "not to jump to con-CLU-sions." I don't think they've written any new dialogue for Kevin this season, nor has he found a different way to say it. Ruthie listens in from the stairs.

Vic appears to be giving himself a homemade tattoo that says, "Paris loves Vic." You know, the kind you made in art class when the teacher left the india ink and the safety pins unattended. Except that you were probably smart enough to make something really small and to put it somewhere less prominent than your forearm. Paris calls and tries to bitch Vic out for talking about dating her to Peter, but Vic is too charming to let that happen. Paris agrees to go to dinner with him, but only if they split the check. I think the women's liberation has finally hit Glenoak! Paris says she's going to hang up now, then says goodbye. Wow, it's like a totally different show!

RevCam, Annie, and Lucy are having a conference about what Matt is doing in Glenoak. Annie thinks he's getting a divorce. RevCam thinks he's dropping out of medical school. Lucy thinks he's getting a divorce and dropping out of medical school. I guess when you're a big loser like Lucy, you take comfort in assuming that other people are like you. RevCam says the best course of action is to just pretend they don't know that Matt is in town and let him contact them when and if he wants to. Lucy protests, then realizes that this is a wise patriarchal figure talking and agrees to his plan, as does Annie. Ruthie clomps downstairs and asks what's wrong. Lucy stammers that she's upset about being pulled over, as are Annie and RevCam. Not with Kevin, though: "We're upset with Lucy. For speeding. That's very, very careless," Annie says, and her delivery was actually funny! What the hell -- was Brenda Hampton off the set this week, thus releasing whatever strange hypnotic spell she has over the cast members, thus allowing them to give themselves decent hair and make-up and say their lines fairly competently? Ruthie asks if she can go to a movie tonight; the CamRents say yes without asking anything else about it because they're distracted. And also because they're terrible parents. Ruthie tells them that they're the "worst. Liars. Intheworld." Yeah, her delivery could use some work.

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7th Heaven




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