7th Heaven
The Babysitter’s Seduction

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RevCam's Secret Past

Clair listens to the answering machine tape of RevCam calling Sally from his cell phone and says "gotcha." She asks an officer to get RevCam's cell phone records for her and to page Frank. The officer says sure, then looks at his watch and says, "It's Willie time!" Ewww. Clair tries to call Felicity, but the line is busy. Poor people can't afford call waiting.

Back at The Mansion on the Wrong Side of the Tracks, Felicity yells at her brother for tying up the phone line while she's waiting for their mother to call. As soon as he hangs up, the phone rings. It's RevCam, calling from a few hours into the future, where it's late evening, whereas back at Felicity's house in the past, it's still appears to be early afternoon. He asks Felicity where she is, saying that she was supposed to meet him at his house. Felicity says her mom found out that she wasn't going to Tracy's and grounded her. RevCam offers to come over and tell Haggard "how badly [he] need[s] [Felicity] this weekend." Felicity's pretty sure that that would just make things worse, then says she has to go because she hears her mother coming. RevCam tells her that he loves her, then tosses the phone on the passenger seat. He stares at some weird wire thing he's got in his hand, then gets out of the car. Oh, that is so dumb. He just left his phone sitting in the passenger seat of an open convertible, where anyone could steal it. And cell phones were really expensive in 1985.

Felicity runs away from the phone. Jeff asks her if she's actually grounded. Shut up, Jeff.

RevCam puts his murderin' black leather gloves on and breaks into Clair's beach house. Her dog barks at him. RevCam takes a light bulb out of a lamp and replaces it with the thing he had in his hands, which is actually a light bulb with the glass bulb part removed. The dog decides to leave, exiting through the door RevCam left open. What a great little guard dog he is. Worth all the time and money Clair reports to have spent on him. RevCam walks up to Clair's stove and blows out the pilot light. Then he turns on the gas, incompetently deciding to crank it all the way down to "lite" instead of "hi." Besides that little gaffe, it's a neat little way to blow someone's house up. I wonder how he learned it. Perhaps he modemed it from The Anarchist's Cookbook. RevCam leaves the house and walks towards the ocean, in the complete opposite direction of where his car is parked. Is he going to swim home?

And here is the exact moment when this movie goes from being slow and boring to extremely ridiculous. It's all downhill from here, folks. Clair pulls up to her house and walks inside. She turns her bulb-less light on and it makes a spark. Clair's dog barks at her from across the beach, and Clair runs out of her house to get him. Then the house explodes. Now, I'm the first person to admit that my knowledge of science is pretty poor, but shouldn't the house have gone up in flames the second that spark ignited and not thirty seconds afterwards? Perhaps the gas read the script and saw that Clair needed to survive because she was being played by a semi-famous actress. Phylicia Rashad does her best to look like she's dramatically landing on the beach after being flung fifty feet by an exploding house, but it just looks like she hilariously lay down for a nap while someone threw pieces of smoking driftwood at her. Oh, and her cheek is bleeding. RevCam smiles as he watches the fireworks from his position of thirty feet away. Oh, that's brilliant. Surely no one will notice his suspicious-looking ass standing right next to the scene of the crime. Clair's useless dog runs up and starts licking her face. "Tastes like a mixture of corn syrup and red food coloring!" he thinks.

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7th Heaven




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