7th Heaven
The Babysitter’s Seduction

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RevCam's Secret Past

Felicity plays dominos with the Bartrand children until Sally walks in, wearing the dress Felicity tried on before. She asks how she looks, because her two young children and their babysitter make excellent fashion consultants. They all agree that she looks great, but they're lying, because that dress be ugly. RevCam runs in with a handful of red roses and apologizes for being late. He takes everyone outside to give Sally her birthday present. Felicity comes too, since paying a babysitter to hang out with the fam makes sense. They all go outside, where's there's a Range Rover with a bow on it. "Do you like it?" RevCam asks. "Does it matter?" Sally says. What an ungrateful bitch! I'm glad she dies later. RevCam asks the kids if they want to take Mommy's new car to dinner. Sally says she made reservations at a fancy restaurant for just the two of them. RevCam says he cancelled them because he thought she would rather go out with her family. Sally says fine, and leaves to change into something more casual. Felicity laughs and probably wonders if she's still going to get paid for babysitting tonight since her charges just went out with their parents.

It's the a new day, I guess, and Sally is telling Felicity the children's' schedules. They have tennis and music lessons. RevCam walks over and announces his imminent departure. Sally asks if he's going to be too early for his plane. There's no such thing as being "too early" for a flight. Trust me; as someone who has thought she was leaving for the airport early and almost missed her plane, I know this is true. RevCam's cell phone rings. He does the usual shouting-into-the-phone-to-communicate thing that all cell phone users seem to do, then passes it off to Sally, telling her that it's some family friends, and to plan their dinner "at the club." Felicity's boobs walk into the camera as she leaves the house, followed by RevCam and the kids.

We're poolside, where Felicity, the best babysitter ever, has placed her chaise lounge so that it faces opposite the pool, assuring that she won't even accidentally do any supervising. Oh, it turns out that the kids are at tennis lessons, not swimming. Felicity walks over to the courts and asks the tennis instructor, "Doreen" (way to give a twenty-something women my nanny's name, screenplay writer), if she can watch the kids while Felicity runs back to their house to get something she forgot. Doreen the Doormat says sure.

Felicity drives back to the house, where RevCam is leaving a message on the answering machine: "Hi, it's me, I'm in the car on the way to the airport…" Felicity looks for Sally, saying she forgot to bring the music lesson books. Sally's not around, so Felicity finds the books and goes. On her way out of the kitchen, she turns to grab the car keys, at which point she notices legs poking out from behind the kitchen island. Danger music plays. Is that a basket full of oranges on their counter? How impractical; there's no way they can eat them before they go bad. Oh, right: the movie. Something that's supposed to be exciting is happening now, so I guess I should get back to it. Felicity walks over to the legs and realizes that they are attached to Sally, who has a gun in her hand and a very neat gunshot wound on her forehead. Oh, and she's dead, in case you couldn't tell. Felicity gasps, like, seven times. Synthesized drums play, and they are so cheesy that I start laughing.

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7th Heaven




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