7th Heaven
The Enemy Within

Episode Report Card
Gustave: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Monkey lov-ah!

Exterior pan over to the CamPound. The credits reveal that Cindy Williams is one of tonight's guest stars. Oh, I'm so there! Tonight's time-waster features RevCam serving tea from a squash-colored Fiestaware tea set while Pat Boone and Hag-Faced Annie watch anxiously. I take it we are supposed to infer that RevCam is mighty upset over this guest, judging by the spillage as he pours the tea. Oh, and he's using tea bags. Looks like someone needs to go to geisha school. Ken Smith informs the Camdens that he's a "real estate magnate." Um, who the fuck introduces themselves as a "real estate magnate"? Even if you're Donald Trump, you're supposed to say, "I'm in real estate," and just leave it at that. It would be like introducing yourself as "a shipping tycoon" or "an A-list movie star." RevCam has heard of him. Pat informs the CamRents that he owns all of the property surrounding the church. "What a coincidence," says RevCam. Apparently, it's not a coincidence. Pat bought all the property recently. He threatens to sell said property to the "worst possible neighbors" unless the CamRents can get Mary to stop seeing their son. Annie suggests that he can't control the behavior of his adult son. "How can you accuse my daughter of seducing your son when your son is old enough to be...me," asks RevCam. According to Pat Boone, Captain Smith was in love with an "age-appropriate woman," but Mary beckoned Captain Smith like a "siren. " Hag-Faced Annie grimaces at the pagan terminology. Ben and Kevin enter, asking if they can take the twins to the park. Annie explains who Pat Boone is and why he's here. Kevin wants to leave. Ben explains that he's really Mary's boyfriend. Robbie enters also. Ben explains to who Pat Boone is and how he wants to break up Captain Smith and Mary. "Yeah, don't we all," says Robbie, exiting. Ben explains the existence of Robbie to Pat Boone. Pat Boone looks suitably confused. Oh, and he's missing his hat...the hat that just happens to have been given to him by his father on the day that Captain Smith was born. Annie and RevCam look for it, but it's no where to be found. "I want my hat back and my son back," says Pat Boone, exiting. Annie asks the twins if they took the hat. They deny knowing anything about it. Ben and Kevin deny taking it. Annie isn't even sure he was wearing a hat. "We have to find the hat," says RevCam to the twins. "Daddy's job and his church depend on it." The twins still deny having it. "Find the hat!" screams Annie The Hag. Who writes this crap?

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7th Heaven

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