7th Heaven
The Enemy Within

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Monkey lov-ah!

Ruthie's boyfriend appears. "Don't pay her any attention, Ruthie!" he says. He tries to stick up for her, but fails. He's just as scared of Cruel Girl and tries to save face by telling her that Ruthie is going to punch her. Cruel Girl is all, "You gonna punch me, monkey lover?" "I don't think you're worth punching," says Ruthie.

Okay, I don't know which is stupider, the reading of Lucy's diary or the fact that Ben fell asleep while reading it so that Lucy actually catches him asleep in her bed with her diary in his arms. And how much of a loser must Lucy be if her diary actually puts people to sleep? Lucy grabs the diary out of his hands and beats him girlishly with it. "Those are my very private thoughts," she whines. Okay, yes, reading someone's diary is probably one of the most violating things you can do to someone, and Ben deserves to have his face ripped off for this. Yet something about Lucy being the object of this "violation" makes me want to tell her to shove it. I mean, if Lucy were a UN weapons inspector and she came back from Iraq and told me that Hussein has weapons of mass destruction, I'd be like, "So?" If Lucy were checking bags at the airport and told me that there were Pakistani dudes wearing Osama bin Laden t-shirts trying to get on a flight to Washington D.C. with knives in their bags, I'd tell her to mind her own business and stop being such a racist bizzotch. If Lucy suffered from depression as a result of being molested by a family member, I'd tell her to put on a happy face, forget about the whole thing, and stop flirting with relatives. Lucy rubs me the wrong way, in case you hadn't noticed. Annie enters, wanting to know what's going on. Lucy tells her about Ben reading her diary. Ben explains that he was just trying to find out stuff about Mary. "Let's not make too much of this," says Annie. I guess she hates Lucy as much as I do. Lucy insists that justice be done, so Annie comes down really hard on Ben...by telling him to go pick up Ruthie at school. After Ben exits, Annie comforts Lucy by telling her that she doesn't think that Ben would be "immature" enough to tell Kevin anything he's read. What?

Ben enters the kitchen, where Kevin is making a big sandwich. Straight Christian men love sandwiches. It provides them with the right amount of protein and carbohydrates needed to do good deeds and procreate. "So?" asks Kevin. "You set off a passion she fears cannot be quenched," Ben tells him. Oh man, that is lame. Kevin giggles helplessly and continues to assemble his sandwich. Lucy runs down the stairs toward Ben, and Ben runs out the door to avoid her wrath. I mean, now that Lucy's got that gangsta-girl haircut, she's probably real nasty in a fight, and Ben knows it. Upon failing to catch up with Ben, Lucy grills Kevin about what Ben read in her diary and what he shared with him. "Aren't you too old to keep a diary?" asks Kevin. Again, I'm aghast that Kevin would ignore the invasion of Lucy's privacy, and I'm stunned that he'd fail to see the value of keeping a journal at any age. I mean, hasn't anyone heard of Anaïs Nin or Ned Rorem? On the other hand, because it's Lucy, I want to say, "Jeez, Lucy, literacy is cute when you're a girl but past a certain age, it's tiresome. Here, put on this chador and grill me a steak." Lucy keeps squawking about her private thoughts and how they've been violated. Kevin is all, "I care about your private thoughts. So talk to me." Lucy asks Kevin how he'd feel if she read his journal. "I don't need to keep a journal," says Kevin. "I tell you what I'm thinking." Actually, Kevin can't read or write, and that's why he can't keep a journal. For some reason they get on the subject of Kevin's sex life. Lucy wants to know if he's been with a woman. "A woman as opposed to...?" says Kevin. Well, that was an interesting response. First there was the "kissing your father" line from last week, and now we're getting hints that Kevin might like surf and turf. This show is getting downright cheeky! Kevin feels uncomfortable answering that question, so he wraps up his sandwich quickly and leaves to go to work. Lucy blocks his way. "I really want an answer!" she says. "I have a passion I fear that cannot be quenched," Kevin deadpans. "I'll talk to you later. Or maybe I'll just write a diary of my own." He exits, and Lucy is all, "That's not funny!"

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7th Heaven

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