Lucy pass through the kitchen on her way to the garage. RevCam is hanging out in the CamKitchen, stops her on the way, and after some really nosy questioning, he establishes that she's going over there to snoop. "We're all our own worst enemy," says RevCam, giving a shout-out to the episode's title. "You know that, right?" Lucy is all, whatever, and heads for the garage anyway, leaving RevCam alone in the kitchen once more. Ruthie enters, cherishing the big steak Ben bought her after the afternoon with Shirley, the vice principal. Ben explains to RevCam that he gave Ruthie a goodbye dinner because he's going back to Buffalo even though Mary broke it off with Captain Smith. RevCam dispatches Ruthie to go find the hat. RevCam and Ben have a heart-to-heart, and RevCam suggests that Ben date a lot of other girls. Ben claims that he won't have time to. "I'm a lazy dater," he explains. Annie enters and finds out he's leaving. They hug. He thanks the Camdens. Annie says he's welcome there anytime. Ben exits. Annie is pleased that Ben is going, she admits to RevCam privately, because maybe finally Mary will learn that she can't treat people the way she treated Ben.
The seven phones finally ring. Simon gets it. It's CC at a phone booth. "I'm gonna leave it in the phone booth," she says. Has she even had it yet? She doesn't look like she's in labor. Simon is all, "Let me tell someone." CC is all, "No." She tells Simon that she's going to leave it in the phone booth, and that he's to swing by and take the baby to the hospital himself. What? That's harsh. Way to save money on any carefully choreographed and acted birthing scenes. Simon runs for the door and tells the CamRents he's gotta help someone. "Is this about Claire?" asks the ever-perceptive Annie. Simons refuses to break confidence, but admits as much. They let him go. RevCam wants to follow Simon in the car and spy on him. Annie convinces him not to.
Kevin enters the kitchen. Lucy is there, and admits that she almost snooped around, but ultimately didn't. Lucy asks about Roxanne meeting Ben. Kevin tells Lucy that he'll still love her even if she's been with another man. Wait, how did we get on the subject of Lucy's virginity? Or was something else meant by that whole "unquenched desert" metaphor? Kevin concludes that Lucy's virginity is a private matter that he doesn't need to know about. He leaves for work. "This isn't over!" shouts Lucy as he leaves.
Upstairs, Annie is trying to get the twins ready for bed, but the twins don't want to put their pajamas on. D'oh! That's because one of them (I don't know which) stuffed Pat Boone's hat down his pants. Ew! Well, at least they found the hat, but ew!