Peter, Ruthie, and SamVid play Go Fish. Ruthie asks one of the twins -- the one whose growth is stunted, which is the only way I can tell them apart -- if he has kings, but he shoots her down. The bigger twin says that he does have kings, to which his brother retorts (yes, actually retorts -- as in, he speaks like a normal person), "No, I don't." At this point, a tiny flicker of hope ignited somewhere in my cold, dark soul that this season, we were going to see the twins as two separate and distinct individuals instead of a hand-holding collective. Not like I really want to give a Camden any more screen time, but those pod toddlers really creep me out. Peter Peter Hoyle's Rules of Cards Reader lectures that if the twin has a king, he has to give it to Ruthie. The kid sort of tells him to shut it. I like this twin. He's a lot cooler than his tattletale brother. Peter and Ruthie start to talk about how much fun this vacation has been; Ruthie says it's the best vacation she's ever had. Knowing what is revealed later about why they're actually on this vacation, I can't believe she said that. Although I guess if I were an evil sociopath like Ruthie, a vacation spent with my emotionally fragile mother and depressed brother would be a lot of fun. Peter tells Ruthie he's glad that she invited him. I'm still trying to figure out how the CamRents can afford to take their real children on vacation, let alone their daughter's boyfriend.
The twins interrupt the crappy couple with some obnoxious kissy noises. Peter asks them why they have to tease him so much. "Because we wuv yooooou!" the smaller twin says. "We wuv yoooou," the bigger twin repeats. "And you wuv Wuuuthieee," says Twin One. "You wuvvvv Wuthie," repeats Twin Two. Sigh. Their individuality was good while it lasted. Now they're back to being SamVid. They stand up and make more kissy sounds until Peter jumps up as if to chase them. They "run" away "screaming." Ruthie says that she feels guilty about having such a good time. Peter says he "feel[s] badly for Simon too, but [he's] still having a good time." With such disregard for the feelings of others, those two are a match made in heaven. In "seventh" heaven, that is! Oh, I kill me. No, seriously. These twins are making me suicidal.
RevCam unpacks a pic-a-nic basket (tm Yogi Bear) with a big ol' frown on his face. Come on, RevCam! Turn that frown upside down! It takes 47 muscles to frown, but only three to smile! The reason why I'm so jovial and optimistic is because RevCam and my feelings are inversely proportional to each other. When he's happy, I'm sad. When he's sad, I'm happy. When he had a heart attack, my heart grew three sizes. RevCam hears a noise outside and goes to investigate, only to find the dopiest-looking burglar ever, including the Hamburgler. Oh wait, that's not a burglar at all -- that's Chandler Hampton, who is starting this season off wrong by sporting a half-mullet and about twenty extra pounds, most of which seems to be in his face. I think Chandler's been to one too many church bake sales. Anyway, it turns out that RevCam and Chandler are so stupid that they don't even know how to plan vacations around each other; RevCam thought he was scheduled until tomorrow, and RevChan thought he was leaving yesterday. The fact that they're sharing this beach house makes my theory about the estate lawyer even more sound. Also, this mix-up is completely and totally RevCam's fault, since he said he wanted to be back in Glenoak "for the weekend," so obviously he meant that he would be out of there by Saturday morning at the very latest. Roxanne walks up and stands around in the background with nothing to do. Chandler says it's too long of a drive back to Glenoak for them to turn around, although it can't be that long of a drive if RevCam is planning to leave on Sunday morning and get the family home in time for church. The two pastors bicker some more, then stand around awkwardly until Simon realizes that this is his cue to come outside. Roxanne asks him how he is, to which he gives a curt and sassy reply. She ignores that and says she's been worried about him. Simon says that people being worried about him "makes it worse," then supplies this helpful nugget of exposition: "[Simon] killed someone. And don't say it was an accident, because it was an accident that happened when [he] was driving. [He is] responsible for killing someone."