Clock-wipe into PC jabbing a needle into some poor guy, who registers his displeasure with her poor phlebotomy skills. She apologizes, to which Dr. Sterling lectures that she should never apologize -- it's a sign of weakness. Yeah, and courtesy. I hate doctors. The patient complains again, so Matt steps up and volunteers to try. PC looks mildly annoyed, as well she should. Dr. Sterling gives Matt one chance to do it, promising the patient that she'll draw the blood herself if he can't get it. Of course, Matt nails it on his first try and holds the full vial up triumphantly while the patient sings Matt's praises. Except that the tube wasn't labeled with the patient's name, which means that people like me down in the lab will get it and throw it out, then tell to ER to re-collect the specimen in a properly labeled tube. So, nice one, Matt. Dr. Assbeard walks in and tries not to look impressed. Everyone leaves, and PC hangs back to ask Matt if he's going to "tell them." Tell them what? It's a mystery for act two of the script to solve. Enjoy the suspense, even though it's at such low levels that only dogs can sense it. Matt says he needs to be as impressive as possible after starting things off so badly. Then his cell phone rings. Could this subplot get any less interesting? Apparently so, because Lucy's on the phone, being as she is next in the numerical order of Camdens. She asks Matt if he wants to talk to his little sister who "loves and misses" him. Matt doesn't, so he snaps at her to throw his number away, and hangs up. Lucy tries to toss the phone number in the unrealistically tiny kitchen wastebasket, which is just as unrealistically sitting in the middle of the floor. Since she's not a basketball all-star like Mary, she totally misses. And since she's an uninspired performer, she makes a cartoonish angry face and turns on her heel.
Dr. Sterling hands assignments out to the students. One girl, named "Liu" (way to go that extra mile and take Asian names from Ally McBeal, there, writers), gets a patient with a sore throat and brags that her time as a volunteer in a free clinic means that she's done tons of strep screens before. The sarcastic student gets a sprained ankle, and the remaining student, "Sinatra" (huh?), gets a guy with constipation. Then a gunshot wound patient rolls in through the front doors. Like a good doctor, Sterling decides that the man must be a "gangbanger," but the paramedic says he's just a bystander. That's what you get for making assumptions, Sterling. Matt asks if he can watch the action, but Dr. Sterling tells him to concentrate on his own work. Sinatra bitches about how his constipation case isn't ER material, but since he's going into "G.I" (gastrointestinal), "what the hell?" Did he say "hell?" I'm telling Brenda! Matt and PC look at their cases. PC got an elderly nursing home patient with an altered mental state, and Matt got a young guy who thinks he's Napoleon and is requesting asylum. Oh, hilarious jokes made at the expense of the mentally ill. PC and Matt decide to trade cases, because Matt says that PC should be right at home with a man who's manic and has delusions of grandeur, because her dad is just like that. PC does not get a chance to describe to Matt what his father's mental problems are, as that would take the rest of the episode. She does, however, get another nag in about how Matt should tell everyone that he works in the lab part-time and that's how he knows so much about blood-drawing. Whatever, PC; you're just jealous because lab techs rule.