7th Heaven
The One Thing

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | Grade It Now!
Matt Is Still Stupid

It's RevCam, who's making himself a sandwich. Does anyone really make sandwiches for midnight snacks besides Dagwood from the "Blondie" comic strip? I'm never coordinated enough for such an undertaking that late at night. Eric's up ridiculously early in the morning because Annie and the twins woke him up, and he decided to call Matt because he found his number on the fridge. That reminds me, tomorrow I need to wake up at four in the morning and call all the numbers I have on my refrigerator, because that totally makes sense. Not. Matt tells his dad that he's very busy right now, so could RevCam please take the phone number off the fridge and stop calling him unless it's an emergency. Then he slams the giant cell phone antenna back into the phone and hangs up. RevCam shakes his head, then takes the number off the fridge and puts it in a kitchen drawer. Wow, he did what Matt asked him to. I'm impressed. Although he might just be putting it away from safe-keeping until he can get a neon sign made out of it.

Dr. Assbeard tells Matt to turn off his stupid phone, then continues with the tour of the ER. Matt panics to PC that he doesn't know how to turn his phone off. And he's supposed to be the smartest member of the family. Dr. Assbeard introduces the students to the blonde scrubs lady from before, "Dr. Lisa Sterling," who's a resident. Dr. Sterling will be assigning them patients, from which they have to take histories, do physicals, draw bloods, and get lab results. "Scut work," says one of the students. Assbeard doesn't go off on the guy for having such a 'tude, because the guy isn't Matt and Assbeard only hates Matt. Instead, he warns the students not to fob their work off on the nurses. Then he gets paged to a meeting and runs away. Dr. Sterling leads the students off to draw blood while the other blonde lady comments to Debi Mazar that the students "are like vampires." Ew -- are they expected to get blood by sucking it out of the patients' necks? That doesn't seem safe.

Clock-wipe into PC jabbing a needle into some poor guy, who registers his displeasure with her poor phlebotomy skills. She apologizes, to which Dr. Sterling lectures that she should never apologize -- it's a sign of weakness. Yeah, and courtesy. I hate doctors. The patient complains again, so Matt steps up and volunteers to try. PC looks mildly annoyed, as well she should. Dr. Sterling gives Matt one chance to do it, promising the patient that she'll draw the blood herself if he can't get it. Of course, Matt nails it on his first try and holds the full vial up triumphantly while the patient sings Matt's praises. Except that the tube wasn't labeled with the patient's name, which means that people like me down in the lab will get it and throw it out, then tell to ER to re-collect the specimen in a properly labeled tube. So, nice one, Matt. Dr. Assbeard walks in and tries not to look impressed. Everyone leaves, and PC hangs back to ask Matt if he's going to "tell them." Tell them what? It's a mystery for act two of the script to solve. Enjoy the suspense, even though it's at such low levels that only dogs can sense it. Matt says he needs to be as impressive as possible after starting things off so badly. Then his cell phone rings. Could this subplot get any less interesting? Apparently so, because Lucy's on the phone, being as she is next in the numerical order of Camdens. She asks Matt if he wants to talk to his little sister who "loves and misses" him. Matt doesn't, so he snaps at her to throw his number away, and hangs up. Lucy tries to toss the phone number in the unrealistically tiny kitchen wastebasket, which is just as unrealistically sitting in the middle of the floor. Since she's not a basketball all-star like Mary, she totally misses. And since she's an uninspired performer, she makes a cartoonish angry face and turns on her heel.

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7th Heaven




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