7th Heaven
The One Thing

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Matt Is Still Stupid

Matt has no idea where the crash cart is, so he runs around the ER looking for it like a chicken with his greasy head cut off. After a few suspense-free moments, Dr. Assbeard finds him and yells at him, not for killing his patient, but for not ordering Nurse Debi to get the crash cart. Right, and what was Matt going to do with Mr. McNeil while Nurse Debi looked for a crash cart? Cry and run around in circles? That's not going to help anyone. They get back to McNeil, where, fortunately, Dr. Sterling has already arrived and gotten him breathing again. Dr. Assbeard asks Matt if he checked the patient's BP before examining him; Matt says he didn't. Wait -- didn't he? Didn't Nurse Debi tell him that it was ninety over sixty? Which she knew because McNeil was hooked up to machines that monitor it? Matt's a liar. Oh, hilarity -- his phone rings again. Without speaking, Dr. Assbeard throws it in the dirty laundry bin, where it continues to ring audibly and probably disturb any and all nearby patients.

And guess who's on the other end of the phone? That's right -- it's Ruthie, who tells Peter that she's going to just let the phone ring until Matt picks up. Peter piles about six brownies on his plate (either the kid's going through a growth spurt or Paris forgot to make him dinner this week. Again.) and wonders if Matt might be too busy with medical school to talk to his horrible sister. Ruthie says there's no way Matt could ever be too busy to talk to her. Um…why aren't those two at school?

The sarcastic student makes fun of Matt for almost killing his first patient. Dr. Sterling yells at him, but the receptionist applauds his efforts to "lighten the mood." I hate the receptionist. Sterling apologizes to Matt for not listening to him before. Instead of graciously accepting the apology, Matt makes a remark about how he was told that apologies are a sign of weakness. Dr. Sterling gives him a new patient -- a woman with a rash. Matt gets all huffy that she's giving him easy cases because she thinks he can't handle the tough ones. Which it's become increasingly obvious to everyone that he can't, so he really shouldn't be complaining.

We clock-wipe to Matt entering his rash patient's stall. Her name is Pam, but "Penny Perfect" is her stage name. And we see she has make-up on, as well as a very low-cut sweater. You can practically see her collarbone! Obviously, she's a stripper, and her trade has caused her to get a sinful STD. "I'm a m-m-m-m-medical s-s-student," Matt stammers lamely. Clock-wipe to Matt, finished with his examination of Pam's rash, throwing back the curtain looking like a deer caught in headlights. Vagina headlights, that is. And he really needs to get over that if he's still planning on being a gynecologist. Also, this doesn't answer the question, "Do Matt and PC ever have sex?" You know, what with her freaking out over a man his shirt off and his inability to deal with examining a women's vagina and all. Dr. Sterling and the other students, who apparently have nothing to do despite all the claims that the ER is really busy, are waiting to greet him and laugh at him. Sterling explains that Pam likes to come into the ER once a month to check out the new residents. I guess strippers get really good medical insurance.

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7th Heaven

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