Clock-wipe (woooo!) to Marie being wheeled into a stall with Assbeard. Seriously, though, doesn't this hospital have any other doctors? No wonder the guy's so cranky. He orders some lab tests that I will spare you from hearing any more useless information about. Matt mentions that Marie is diabetic; Assbeard snaps that this is useful information, and when was Matt planning on sharing it with everyone else? Matt says he did, when he was asking her for her friend's history. That's true, he did do that. Assbeard orders PC to give Marie a glucose IV. She does, and Marie instantly regains consciousness. Assbeard congratulates PC on her first "medical miracle" and gives her Marie's chart for the work-up. Then he orders a (non-Debi) nurse to get Marie some food, and leaves. PC offers to let Matt do the work-up; Matt declines, saying that PC is the one who saved her. Saved her, my ass. She injected a glucose IV. Anyone with working fingers, or at the very least working toes, could do that. PC wants to know what bothers Matt about the fact that she saved a patient. Matt walks away before he can answer that PC's sudden proficiency at medicine makes him feel like less of a man.
Asslee, who has once again ditched class to do some slave labor at the CamPound, is scrubbing away at the Camden sink and holding a phone up to her ear. I wonder if Asslee's teachers have become concerned enough about her frequent absences to organize an intervention, or a deprogramming session. Chandler walks right on into the house and asks for RevCam. Asslee says he's already made his one appearance for the episode, so he's off-screen. Asslee leaves to get RevCam, handing the phone off to Chandler and explaining that Ruthie is waiting for Matt to pick it up, so if he does, Chandler has to take it up to Ruthie's room, where she and Peter are "doing homework." Actually, they probably really are doing homework. Chandler stands around for a while, then realizes that there's food to be had and devours the last brownie.
Back in the ER, Dr. Sterling is yelling at the lab for being late with the tox screen results. Stupid bitch -- nine times out of ten, the results are delayed because of mistakes made in the ER. Like not labeling the blood, or labeling it with the wrong name. Or sending blood but not ordering the tests in the computer, or vice-versa. And last, but certainly not least, there's the ever-popular letting specimens sit on the counter for a while until someone decides to actually send them to the lab. And then they have the nerve to call and yell at the lab for being "late" with the results. I liked Sterling before, but now I hate her, and I'll be calling her Dr. Bitchface for the rest of the recap. Bitchface asks PC if she's dating Matt. PC admits that they "know each other," but won't say much more. Bitchface says Matt's cute, and she's glad to hear that he's available for dating. I won't make fun of Bitchface for finding Matt attractive, since he does look a thousand times better with the short hair. Bitchface complains about the fact that the lab has had her on hold "forever" (and why could that be, Bitchface? Possibly because you're yelling at them and they have much more to deal with than the stupid tox screen that you probably bungled up in the first place? Damn straight they put you on hold), then gives the phone to PC and orders her to write down the tox results whenever the lab gets back to her. Matt walks up and asks if they can talk, but then the lab finally comes back to the phone with the results, so PC has to go.