7th Heaven
The Song Of Lucy

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | Grade It Now!
The Crap Miner's Daughter

Martin lets Harry in the kitchen. He informs Harry that if the CamRents can give Harry a chance, then he can too. How kind of you, Martin. The CamRents and Ruthie come downstairs, and Harry meets Annie for the first time. "I see where Ruthie gets her good looks from," he says. Yeah, uh, Harry? Annie isn't MILF material. And Ruthie doesn't get her "good looks" from her. Annie invites Harry back to the house after the service and goes back upstairs. RevCam leaves to check on Lucy, first being sure to tell Ruthie that Harry cannot drive her to church. Martin volunteers to drive them both to church. Get a life, Martin. Harry leaves, and Ruthie tells Martin that he doesn't have to be her big brother, although she does "kind of like it. And," Ruthie adds, "I like you." Ewwww.

Lucy's wearing her pastoral robe thing, and RevCam is all teary-eyed, because that's how he always is. He tells her that he's really proud to be her father. They hug. "This is the daughter I still control," RevCam thinks as he embraces Lucy. Lucy says she can't believe she's an Associate Pastor. "This is my dream," she says. Her dream is to be an Associate Pastor? Way to reach for the stars. And she was a lot cooler when her dream was to be an architect or whatever. "You made my dreams come true," she tells RevCam. Yeah, it must be nice to not have to earn your way to your career of choice.

Lucy gives her sermon about her stupid class. She says it will be about more than abstinence, and that it's only open to girls. Kind of like that movie all the girls had to watch in fifth grade about getting your first period. Lucy says she will get around to talking to the boys, to which the congregation laughs and laughs. There isn't much to entertain Glenoak these days. Lucy says her class reminds her of the woman from "The Song of Solomon," who doesn't have a name, but knows who she is and what she wants. And she doesn't care what anyone thinks about her. Which is completely unlike Lucy. Also, the woman wants a man, but doesn't want to compromise anything to get that man. Lucy says that a lot of teenage girls think that their lives will be perfect if the cute boy asks them out, or they get to be Homecoming Queen, or they have sex. Sure, but I remember when all Lucy cared about was being Homecoming Queen herself, so I hope she's not trying to act like she's above it all now. Lucy says that people make their sense of fulfillment dependent on someone else. And we should all love ourselves, like God wants us to. Lucy starts talking about real passion, and are those black people in the audience? Shouldn't they be at the Hamiltons' church? Lucy ends her sermon by asking everyone, especially the girls, what they really want to do. She tells them that it's important that they not get sidetracked from it. Harry looks bored. Lucy says that sex and relationships can sidetrack you. Interesting. I live in Los Angeles, where sex and relationships actually move your career forward. Lucy tells everyone to go for their passion right now. "God has already equipped us with everything we need to live full and rich lives," she says. Except, you know, the twins. So everyone needs to go out there and take what God has given them and use it. Unless it's their genitalia, in which case, RevCam's got a few chastity belts for sale. They're guaranteed not to rust, and his prices are competitive.

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7th Heaven




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