7th Heaven
The Tattle Tale Heart

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: D | Grade It Now!
The Tattle Tale Heart

And we're back, with THE COLONEL making blueberry pancakes in the kitchen the following morning. Mmmm, pancakes (tm Homer Simpson). Enter RevCam, who explains to THE COLONEL that he is stressed out and that lots of things are going on: babies, layoffs in town, blah blah blah cowpies. THE COLONEL wants to know when he's going to see his daughter, Julie. RevCam: "What's the big deal? Last night, today, tonight, tomorrow, whenever. Whatever!" THE COLONEL: "Whatever, indeed!" Mr. Stupidhead: "Whatever, indeed!"

Meanwhile, up in Matt's room, Mary of Adolescent Hardbody and Lucy of Unforgivable Bangs are making plans for when Matt finally moves out and they get his room. They discuss closet space and ceremoniously tell Matt (who has been asleep this whole time -- whatever) that he's "almost 21. It's time to go." He tells them he doesn't have another place yet, and kicks them out with a sneer that says "ged-da-fugg-ahda-eer!"

Kitchen. Ruthie of Unknown Parentage and THE COLONEL. Pancake banter. Next.

Up to the master bedroom, where the RevCam is complaining again about how stressed he is about his sister and how she doesn't have "seven kids to feed and clothe and send to college, not to mention twenty-seven people in counseling." Speaking of which, he has to get to the church. Annie: "Are we going to look for a new car today?" RevCam: "I forgot. I promise we'll look tomorrow." Annie: "You've been saying that all summer, and driving the Meals on Wheels van is getting a little old!" RevCam: "Listen, bitch, how would you like to see the back of my hand!?" Just kidding. They eventually establish that tomorrow is "New Car Day," and today is "Close-vigil-on-the-grandparents-to-make-sure-none-of-the-kids-tells-them-about-Aunt-Julie-fishcakes Day." RevCam inquires about The All-Important Room Switch, and SuperMom doesn't know a damn thing, except that it's going to cost some money, and Matt's tuition is due. RevCam looks a little pale...

Oh, God. The kitchen. COLONEL and Simon. Simon almost tells THE COLONEL about Aunt Julie, but catches himself in the nick of time. Phew! Not. Anyhow, SuperMom and RevCam enter with the twins, and RevCam announces that he has to get to work. COLONEL: "On a Saturday? Son, you've got to stop and smell the roses!" RevCam: "Well, not until the roses are paid for." Simon: "Ha ha -- that was a good one, Dad!" Shut up, Simon.

In the other room, Ruthie is watching cartoons. In comes SuperMom to inquire as to whether Ruthie had mentioned anything about Aunt Julie to THE COLONEL. Ruthie fails to respond. Luckily for her, Matt enters and announces that he is going apartment hunting. SuperMom tries to convince him to fix up the garage and live there, but Matt is not having it. He tells SuperMom to talk to the hand, and shakes his booty outta there in quite a hurry. When Annie turns around again to talk to Ruthie, the child has disappeared. Wherever she has gone, I'll bet she's doing something annoying, so I'm going to tell her to shut up. Shut up, Ruthie. Ah, I feel much better now.

Cut to the church, where Eric "CAN DO!" Camden is listening to a young couple talk about how they've decided to sell the house blah apartment blah cheaper blah muffins. Nobody cares, including RevCam. The phone rings, and it's Julie. She kids around with Eric about not being able to make dinner this evening, which Eric doesn't like the sound of, and then says she'll be over by six. After they hang up, we close in on RevCam's face as the sound of a beating heart thumps our way into commercial. Real subtle. That is, if we lived in a world where "subtle" meant "blatant."

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7th Heaven




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