7th Heaven
The Tattle Tale Heart

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Mr. Stupidhead: D | Grade It Now!
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The Tattle Tale Heart

Enter Aunt Julie and the original drummer from Spinal Tap (a.k.a. Julie's new hubby Hank), carrying groceries and whatnot. Julie has made all sorts of salads, including a "Jello Salad" that not only looks repellent in every way and nothing like Jello but also bears a striking resemblance to a bloated Rocket Pop. Hank details the new job to Matt (he's going to be working in Glenoak Hospital's Cafeteria). Not only does Matt get shafted with minimum wage, but he also has to be there at five in the morning. That sucks. At least I think it does, but apparently Matt is pretty amped about the whole thing, and he has to run and tell the others. After he has left the kitchen, the Dynamic Duo adorns Uncle Hank with hugs and says (of course, in unison, what did you think? That they'd give up now?): "We will love you forever and ever and ever and ever for this!" That's great. I am going to go vomit now. The DD leaves, Julie's baby kicks, and nobody cares.

Annie and the babies. Matt enters, and breaks the news. Our baby's leaving home. Boo hoo. Not. It's about time.

Matt begins packing, and Simon enters pissily. "Call Shana," he huffs. Matt: "Why, did she call?" Simon: "No, she didn't call. But I wouldn't want her to find out at the last minute that you're moving out of the house. I know how that feels." Shut up, Simon. Matt: "Look, I'm sorry about the way you found out, but you knew this was gonna happen." Simon: "Listen to me, butthole. I've worked with John Travolta. Twice!" No, actually: "But couldn't you wait another year or so, when I'm not smack in the middle of puberty?" Okay. Word, that was funny. "I mean, this is a tough time for a guy and I need a brother right now." Shut up, Simon. I didn't have any siblings in the house when I began puberty, and I think it was definitely for the best. I believe Sars would agree. ("And how." -- Sars.) Anyway, Matt goes on to tell Simon not to worry about it, and maybe next week sometime he and Nigel (Tufnel?) could come watch the football game at the new pad. Matt: "You know I love ya." Simon: "I know. That's why I'm gonna miss you." Aw. Props to Mr. Watson and Master Gallagher. There was actually some fine acting in that scene.

Uh-oh. I've got that feeling. I think I should give a pre-emptive "Shut up, Ruthie" just in case.

Yep, I was right. Ruthie is giving her dolls a lecture about the responsibility of moving into a big girl's room. Ruthie: "We are about to have access to our very own phone. Let's have a big round of applause for that." Enter SuperMom, a baby under each arm: "Yay! What's all the cheering for?" Ruthie: "We're all just very excited about moving." Annie: "Why's that?" Ruthie: "The room comes with a phone." Annie: "Uh, no. The room comes with a phone jack to plug the phone into when you're old enough." Good call, Mom. The last thing this world needs is for Ruthie to be able to make contact with it. The rest of this scene is fishcakes. Oh, and shut up, Ruthie.

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7th Heaven

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