7th Heaven
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
Chainsaws Don't Kill People; People Kill People

Inside the station, Trucker asks for help with the crazy girl in his truck, and Sheriff leaves to help him. Mary sneaks inside through a back door and grabs the baby while they're distracted. Sheriff promises to check out Mary and leaves. Skinny turns around, sees that the baby is gone, and freaks out worse than Pepper, if such a thing is possible.

Mary tries to hotwire the truck with her mad juvie skillz. Sheriff takes out his gun and looks in the front windshield, but doesn't see her. So he comes up to the driver's side and opens the door -- but no one's there.

That's because Mary was in Sheriff's car all along! She gets it started and drives away, making sure to hit Sheriff on her way out. "Fuck you!" she says to Sheriff as he flies across the windshield. Then Mary backs the car up and runs over the Sheriff. Then she puts it in drive and runs him over again! And calls him an asshole! Okay, even though Mary didn't die, I'll admit that that scene was pretty awesome.

Mary drives away, playing with the baby. It's a tranquil moment…THAT IS INTERRUPTED BY THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF EDDIEFACE! He slashes at her car, but the chainsaw has little effect on a moving vehicle. So he glowers at the escaping car, but that doesn't have any effect either.

And now we're back in the crime scene walk-through film. The police officer leading it walks over to a piano, only to scream and die. The cameraman also dies, but manages to capture a blurred image of his attacker: Eddieface.

"The crime scene was not properly secured by Travis County Police," John Larroquette informs us. Um, NO SHIT. Two officers were murdered, and the film image of Eddieface is all they have left of him. The case is still open. This recap, however, is closed.

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7th Heaven




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