7th Heaven
The Tribes That Bind

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
Racism With a Side of Spying

Mary picks Simon and Ruthie up from school. Ruthie astutely notices that Lucy is not in the car, and asks what's going on. Mary has her all-too-common trouble remembering her lines as she explains that Lucy left school early to go to Camp All-By-Myself for the weekend. Simon scoffs that Lucy will be spending plenty of time with the camp's residents of the opposite sex, like, way to call your sister a slut, Simon. Mary, wearing a fleece vest (remember when those were cool? Sort of?), says that Lucy claimed to be serious about spending the weekend getting to know herself "as one," so that she would be better able to be in a relationship "of two." Ruthie, wearing what appears to be a turquoise-colored ascot (which were never cool, at all), manages to insert herself in the conversation by saying that she hates Bobby Tripp, whether he's one or two. That doesn't even make sense, Ruthie. Shut. Up. God. Mary asks why Ruthie's mad at their "little neighbor" Bobby. Ruthie says she's mad at him because he saw her underwear when she was on the swings and keeps making fun of her. Ruthie wants him to shut up and say he's sorry. Simon annoyingly points out that Bobby can't shut up AND say he's sorry, and my brother is always doing stuff like that, so I almost support Ruthie's threat to jump over the backseat and smack him, but then I remember that Ruthie is a hateful little troll and I mustn't support her, ever. Ruthie says she's going to hit Bobby the next time he makes fun of her. "Mom and Dad don't like us to solve problems that way," Mary nerds. Ruthie says that she isn't going to be hitting anyone, anyway: Bobby has a big brother, and Ruthie volunteered Simon for a fight with him. Was Ruthie ever cute?

Annie attempts to shop for groceries while extremely pregnant. Seriously, she's gigantic. I don't even think Mary was that big even in her twelfth month of pregnancy, although I'll never know, as Jessica Biel seems to have wisely decided never to appear on this show again. Annie reaches for some tissues, only to have her enormous stomach knock a few packs of napkins on the ground. Annie then has a great deal of humorous difficultly picking them up that is less "humorous" than it is "causing me concern for the twins, who were just squashed six times." Although I guess it explains a lot. Unsuccessful in her quest, Annie tries the hacky-sack method of item retrieval, attempting to kick the items up into her arms, but Annie can't even do that right and ends up hitting some employee with them. He catches the napkins and drops them into her cart. Annie looks down, only to see that she now has two packs of "Happy Bar Mitzvah" napkins in her cart. Ha ha! See, that's funny because Annie is totally not Jewish. Maybe she can give them to the Glasses when she meets them in three seasons.

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7th Heaven




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