7th Heaven
The Tribes That Bind

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Racism With a Side of Spying

On the second floor, Mary emerges from a random door holding a small bag. RevCam asks Mary what's in her bag, because he's that nosy. Mary says it's Annie's hospital bag. RevCam wonders why it's so tiny, so he goes into the CamBoudoir to ask Annie what that's about. Annie snaps that she's done this before and knows how to pack. Apparently, all one needs to give birth and stay overnight at a hospital is lipstick and a pencil, because that's about all that bag looked big enough to hold. Before RevCam can ask Annie why their oldest son is saying he could be the twins' father, the phone rings.

By this point, I was pretty sure that Lucy's Camp All By Myself thing was a way for Beverley Mitchell to get a week off, but no. She's calling the CamPound to complain that Camp All By Myself is serious. No one will talk to anyone else, and Lucy hates it. RevCam tells her to give it a try; if Annie can get through a baby shower, Lucy can do camp for a weekend. Then he tries to get off the phone with Lucy because he hates her, and basically hangs up on her. The CamRents ask each other how they're doing over and over again, until enough space has been filled and we can go to commercial.

It's nighttime at the CamPound, and Matt is doing dishes while Lucy whines about camp to Mary via phone. Lucy wants to sue the camp for not putting the fact that she wouldn't be able to talk to anyone else in the brochure. Except that I'm pretty sure it is in the brochure, right where it says "Welcome to Camp ALL BY MYSELF," dumbass. Mary can't handle talking to Lucy, so she passes the phone off to Matt. Ruthie enters the kitchen, and Matt tries to hand the phone off to her, but she runs away. That was pretty funny, actually. Simon comes in the room, and Matt tries to pass the phone off to him, but Simon says he has company so he can't talk. Nigel follows, and Matt shoves the phone up to Nigel's ear, but Nigel just ignores it. There's a knock on the back door, and Mary answers it to reveal a scowling little boy. It's Bobby Tripp, Ruthie says, and it's "showtime" for Simon. As military-esque music better known as The Colonel's Theme plays, Ruthie, Simon, Nigel, and Happy exit to the backyard.

Bobby introduces the group to Tripp family pet "Sid Vicious," a dog Bobby claims is "part wolf" but looks more part shag carpet to me. Ruthie tries to counter by saying that Happy is "part Abominable Snowman," to which Happy makes a noise, which I believe, translated from dog-language, means, "Ruthie, you are so not cute. Shut up." Bobby's brother, Darryl, is there too, and he's ready to fight Simon. Simon charges at him, only to be held back by lame Nigel, who says that "Dr. King" always said there were better ways to solve problems than violence. Darryl calls Simon "the Peroxide Kid," which was awesome, then says something about how sons of ministers don't fight fair. At this, Nigel forgets all about Martin Luther King, Jr. and starts charging him, but Simon holds him back. Simon tells the Tripps that he'll "get back to" them, and they leave. Ruthie accuses Simon and Nigel of being "yellow." I accuse Nigel of citing Martin Luther King, Jr.'s teachings and then being a little too quick to toss them aside. ["I accuse Ruthie of talking like an extra in Silverado. 'Yellow'? Who talks like this?" -- Sars]

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7th Heaven

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