This week's Opening Credits Timewaster is Chandler and that stupid little kid from last episode sitting in a car. If the latest news about Jeremy London is true, this is going to culminate in Chandler "vandalizing" Jeffrey's phone. Should be interesting. Jeffrey makes several attempts to speak, all of which are interrupted by Chandler's shushing. Finally Jeffrey gets a word in and tells Chandler that he's too old for the silent game. Oh, nice parental move, there, Chandler -- everyone knows the silent game only works when you have multiple fighting kids in the car, because the only motivation to play the game is to do something better than your sibling. It turns out that Chandler and Jeffrey are coming from a meeting with one of Jeffrey's teachers, who is so dedicated to her craft that she agreed to see him on a Saturday. Either that, or the "writers" are so un-dedicated to their "craft" that they didn't even notice their rather obvious mistake. Now Chandler and Jeffrey are on their way to the dentist, who does, it is pointed out, keep special Saturday hours. Jeffrey asks Chandler if he wants to see his three fillings; Chandler says no. Then Jeffrey starts asking Chandler compatibility questions until Chandler gets annoyed and tells him to shut up because they have an "entire lifetime" to get to know each other. Much like poor Jeffrey has an entire lifetime to suffer self-esteem issues because his adopted dad obviously can't stand him.
Ruthie picks up the Lame Clear Phone. It's Peter calling, and so it's Peter who has to listen to Ruthie whining about doing a ton of work around the house and not getting anything for it. Peter tells her to shut up because he has a problem: he thinks Vic is seeing someone, and he needs to break that up so that his mother and father will both be single for whenever they decide to get back together. "That makes sense," Ruthie says, because like the "writers," she missed the episode where Paris made it pretty freaking clear that she has no intention of being with Vic ever again. Peter says he thinks Vic is meeting his girlfriend at the Promenade and asks Ruthie to accompany him on a spy mission. Ruthie says she'll try, but there is a pressing issue at home that may require her attention. Peter's been supportive of Ruthie through all her stupid crap, and the one time he asks for her help, she'll only give him a "maybe" because she'd rather spend the day lobbying for the garage apartment? What a selfish bitch!