7th Heaven
There's No Place Like It

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
For Stale By Owner

Finally, Jeffrey decides to get tough. He grabs a hose and tells the Camdens and the Kinkirks to get off his property. Lucy tries to start with Jeffrey, so he turns the hose on. The resulting shot of the group getting drenched in slow-motion is fucking awesome and deserves repeated viewings. Kevin chases after Jeffrey while Chandler looks on and does absolutely no parenting.

Back at the CamPound, RevCam is buttoning up his shirt. I saw way too much of that man's chest just now, and it was still a prettier sight than Ruthie's shirt. RevCam tells Annie that he's been thinking about what Chandler said about how they don't own the house, and he thinks they should buy it. Annie's mouth drops open wider than I would have thought was anatomically possible as she hugs the life out of RevCam. She says that with her maverick budgeting skills, she's figured out that they can use their savings and the "small inheritance" her dad left them for the down payment. Annie says this is so awesome; she wants to stay in the house where her kids grew up. RevCam gives Lou a call as Annie clucks happily.

In the Treehouse of Lurv, Lucy mourns her broken cookies. Kevin says they should back off the house; Chandler needs it, and it's not worth ruining their friendship. Plus, the house is overpriced and needs a lot of work. And it only has two bedrooms, so they'd have to move if they ever had a second child. "Second child"? I'm sick enough at the thought of the first child; I think a second one would kill me. Anyway, Lucy doesn't care that the house is completely wrong for them because she wants it and she wants it now. And she calls Chandler a "goober" for trying to take it. A "big goober." I guess that's 7th Heaven family-viewing-speak for "asshole." Kevin calls Lucy childish and says he's going out so she can think about what she's done.

And no sooner is he on his way out the door when Lucy is dialing Roxanne. The call interrupts Roxanne from her heretofore unknown beauty regimen of dying her hair. I hope she's making it bright pink, but I doubt anyone on this show would be so scandalous as to dye their hair an unnatural color. Lucy tells Roxanne to come over right now.

Vic is having coffee with a blonde lady. She turns towards us and it's…AUNT JULIE?! Nooooooo! Oh please, PLEASE don't let Uncle Hank show up. My heart couldn't take it. My eyes couldn't take it either. It turns out that Julie and Vic have been meeting for coffee after their AA meetings. Other people used to hang out with them, but then Vic insulted them, so they stopped coming. He told Veronica that she shouldn't substitute alcohol with pie and then called her "chubby"! Ha! I like Vic sometimes. Julie accuses Vic of not being able to deal with people he feels "emotionally unsafe" around. Vic says that's true; he feels especially uncomfortable around a lame minister friend of the family. Aunt Julie says she has a brother like that, and then they realize that they're talking about the same guy! Vic thanks God he's only had to deal with RevCam for the last few months, and not his whole life, like Aunt Julie has. "No wonder you're so fucked up, chubby," he tells her. Okay, he didn't, but I'll bet he thought it.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

7th Heaven




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP