7th Heaven
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Cate: C | 1 USERS: A+
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Bitch, bitch, bitch

Outside, Norton and his putrid little friends are having a break-dancing competition. Naw, I'm just kidding -- though I wouldn't have been surprised if they had. In the real world, has anyone even done any break-dancing in the past ten years? Norton and company are all ganging up on Heather. Dopey rushes over to save the day, but Heather's already got the situation under control. All right, Heather! I'm sorry I was hoping you'd get run over by a bus earlier! She disses the junior homies to Dopey while Simon tackles Norton and gives him hell for hassling women. Just when it looks like we might be subjected to some more big-time sermonizing, the cops pull up. We take a small detour into the 7th Heaven fantasy of how the legal system works. Norton claims that he's being attacked, but the cop says, "Nice try, sonny. One of the neighbours called it in. She has it all on video." She doesn't ask anyone any questions or read Norton his rights; she just puts him in the cruiser and drives off. I know, I know, I shouldn't expect even an approximation of reality from the same people who tried to make us believe that RevCam could repossess his adult daughter's car without her permission. But sometimes it all just brings me down, man, you know?

Back at the CamPound, Eric opens the door to find Cheryl. She tells Eric that she just found out she's not really pregnant. She's afraid to tell Robbie because then he might not marry her. Honestly, in this day and age, is any woman even cretinous enough to attempt this particular stunt? No, really, I want to know. Especially if the man in question is someone as laughably loserish as Robbie. It confounds logic. Oh, and writers? Nice job including this plotline in an episode that's supposed to be breaking down old sexist stereotypes. Is there some kind of moral equilibrium that needs to be maintained? I mean, if one story arc aims too high and actually makes some good, common-sense points, must you then include something as puerile as this man-trapping plot to bring the show back down to its usual depths? Cheryl apparently thinks RevCam won't help her convince Robbie to marry her, because she says, "Remember, if you don't marry us, [Robbie will] end up with Mary." It's hard to tell if her threat works, but Eric does give her a hug. Whether that's for her benefit or his, we'll never know.

Upstairs at Dopey's, Heather and Matt are discussing how cool it was that she vanquished Tha N-Dog and company. Dopey says he never knew about her self-defense skills, and she points out that there's a lot he doesn't know about her. I guess it's a good thing they never got married, although I'd rather see her as a member of the CamFam than (shudder!) Robbie. She compliments Dopey's incredible pants; he tries to be modest. Then Heather drops the bombshell that she's dating a professor at Crawford. Dopey evidently does not care much. Heather says she hopes he's not wearing new pants just for her. What an odd thing to say -- but since everyone else seems so obsessed with Dopey's pants this week, I guess she's just following the crowd. Dopey injects a note of reason when he says, "They're just new pants." Amen! Can we all please stop talking about them now?

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7th Heaven

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