For once, there's a commercial even more offensive than the show. It's the one for "no nonsense" pantyhose where the guy introduces his young, attractive assistant to his wife, and the wife starts thinking all these bitchy thoughts about how thin the assistant is. Yes, advertising people, that's all us stupid bitches ever think about, is whether we're as thin as other women. You've got us pegged so well.
Ruthie comes downstairs to show off her concert outfit. It's a skanky little leopard-print number that looks like something Lucy might wear for a date. Except, all throughout this episode, Lucy has been wearing outfits that cover her up. We have a local tabloid called The Toronto Sun. It always has a half-page photo of a bikini-clad woman on page three. They call her the "Sunshine Girl." The picture of the "Sunshine Boy" is back around page 60 and is only a quarter page. The only time I know of that they have deviated from this formula was right after the Montreal Massacre, in 1989, when a rejected male applicant to Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal went on a rampage and killed 14 female students. The Sun hypocritically and nonsensically started putting the "Sunshine Girl" further back in the paper. Of course, that only happened for a few days, and pretty soon she was right back on page three again. I'm pretty sure that by next week "Sunshine Lucy" will be back in her dominatrix boots and cleavage-popping dresses. The CamRents come in and start lecturing Ruthie about her outfit. SuperMom says that this episode is making her head hurt. She says "day" instead of "episode," but we all know what she really means. Lucy says she will make Ruthie change, and Ruthie throws her some attitude. Hold on, let me just get control of myself here -- it's so hard to type when you're laughing as hard as I am right now. Okay. Annie does that same chest-thumping thing she did to Norton earlier, and Ruthie actually runs away in fear. This may be the most unbelievable 7th Heaven scene ever.
Speaking of unbelievable, Norton and his little friends are on their way to Dopey's Swingin' Bachelor Pad. Tha N-Dog says he will make Simon realize that his mother has to treat his friends with respect, and then he will get Lucy's phone number. Okay, Norton. Yeah, I'm sure we all acknowledge your supreme coolness and all. But let me offer you a little help in the figuring-it-out department. Do you think it's possible that Lucy's phone number may be the same as Simon's? Just a thought.