7th Heaven
Twelve Angry People

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Twelve Angry People

And speaking of failed attempts at levity, we're back to Dopey in his father's office. He's writing something; the point on the pencil breaks; Dopey stares at the pencil in disbelief for a while. Ah, it's the classic "I can't believe my pencil broke" gag that's been making people laugh since the days of vaudeville. Or else it's been making people gag. I forget. Dopey moves things around on the desk for a while. I guess that's just so the writers won't have as much crappy dialogue to crank out. Finally, Dopey finds a couple of pencils. He uses them to play a drum solo on the top of his desk. I think it's part of his secret plot to turn himself into David Cassidy. I know Gwen and Sars have talked about the Cassidy connection before, but I recently watched one of those Secrets of the Sitcoms specials on Fox and was amazed at the resemblance between Dopey and the dorky Partridge heartthrob. Hey, and here's some bonus trivia: partridges -- the birds -- are really, really dumb. While taking the dirt road to Mr. Cate's cottage, we used to see the stupidest birds who, when they saw a car coming, would not only not get off the road but they would call the rest of their family over so they could all waddle down the centre of the road toward us, staring at our car like they'd never seen an automobile before. We didn't know what they were called at the time, so we nicknamed them Dodo Birds. When I finally realized they were actually partridges, it gave me an entirely new perspective on the whole Partridge Family experience. If I were a better paranoid conspiracy theorist, I'm sure I could spin some implausible crap out of the whole Dopey/Partridge/partridge situation. But Dopey rarely sustains my interest beyond a few minutes, and right now is no exception.

You're probably going to need all your strength to get through this next scene. I'm just giving you the warning I wish I'd had. RevCam is lecturing the jury on why they are so wrong to disagree with him. The case has something to do with an alleged drug dealer shooting a cop who was trying to arrest him. But you know what? This whole plot really blows because we have absolutely no way of knowing the facts of the case. I know we're supposed to take RevCam's word for it, but damn it, he's such a freak that I have trouble believing anything he says. Anyway, the rest of the jury is trying to argue that it may be a case of police corruption; RevCam is basically telling them they're full of shit. I'm off crying in the corner because I can't believe the WB would air this tripe and yet they refused to buy my idea for a series about crime-fighting gerbils. See, I wanted to tie it in with a chain of theme restaurants called "The Big Gerb Café." It would have pine shavings on the floor, and all the beverages would be served in those little water bottles you put in the cages of small mammals, and the wait staff would roam around in giant exercise wheels. Oh, and they could wear gerbil costumes, and there would be aquariums with gerbils at each table. Okay, scoff if you like, but it's really no stupider than pretty much anything that happens on this show. Like right now, for instance. RevCam is being all martyr-like as he says, "How can you think that the police, who protect us, that every last one of them is corrupt?" Um, Eric, no one was saying that, but I don't want to spoil your big drama-queen moment here. What other unwarranted conclusions can you draw, RevCam? How about: "So what you're really saying is that you know the defendant killed this officer but that you just don't care." Mm, no, Eric I don't think they're saying that either. But you are right about one thing. I certainly don't care about this case, or this scene.

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7th Heaven

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