7th Heaven
Two Weddings, An Engagement, And A Funeral

Episode Report Card
2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Li'l Orphan Annie

Side-wipe to Pat and Jimmy watching Ruthie, Peter, and SamVid playing cards. Ruthie invites them to join in. They say they're too nervous. Ruthie sits next to them and asks if she can do anything. Pat and Jimmy explain that they want to get married, but Jimmy's dad is against it. SamVid look on, envious of the intelligence, reason, and life skills possessed by these two people. Jimmy says that they've only had one date. Ruthie says that her brother "fell in love" with his wife on their first date. And that's worked out really well, too. Jim runs into the room, followed by Revs Cam and Chan, and tells Jimmy to leave. They do. Pat is sad. "They're really in love," Ruthie states, and Peter nods. Okay, Ruthie, except that no, they're totally not. Jimmy even said that he only loved Pat because she gave him a French fry. That's not love; that's how children make friends with each other, okay? Pat and Jimmy are obviously not capable of making a decision of this magnitude, and I can't figure out for the life of me why Brenda Hampton would try to convince us that they are, or what possible positive lesson could come out of all this.

Side-wipe to RevCam calling Chandler in the middle of the night. RevCam tells him to get to the CamPound, as there's a "situation." Jimmy and Pat are missing! RevCam is there with Jimmy's parents and Pat's dad.

Side-wipe to Chandler coming into church and finding Jimmy and Pat. They wanted to be the "first in line" to get married. Yeah, that totally convinces me that they're able to make the decision to get married. They demand that Chandler marry them. Chandler says he can't; they need to slow down and not rush into things. Right, UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS SHOW. If Brenda's trying to show us that retarded people are just like people of what this show considers to be normal intelligence, then shouldn't Pat and Jimmy be getting married after one date? Pat says she wants Jimmy to move into her house, into an extra room. Is it okay if they cohabitate, premaritally? Chandler says that it is, and he would be honored to marry them someday. The Van Pattens rush in (apparently, Mrs. Van Patten had a bill or two to pay as well), followed by some other guy. The Van Pattens say they were very worried about Jimmy. "I'm not a baby, I'm a man," Jimmy says. Sounds familiar. Except that that was an example of a rare storyline that actually worked on this show, and this is…not. The Van Pattens take a lesson from Pat's dad, who says he "trusts" her. Chandler tells Jim that he will be happy to marry Pat and Jimmy, after they've gotten to know each other better. Jimmy tells his dad that he loves Pat, and he wants to live in her house. Mrs. Van Patten says that she approves of this, and of Pat and Jimmy, and she thanks God for the peace that this gives her. Then she looks up and thanks Him. RevCam looks up, too, but doesn't thank anyone, because he hates his life. Jim says he'll keep an open mind about this, and then everyone commences hugging. Except RevCam and Chandler, who simply exchange manly shoulder pats and handshakes.

"Lilly and Derick." I've been spelling her name wrong all this time. Meh. RevCam comes downstairs, where the rest of the family is eating breakfast. RevCam says hi, and Lucy hushes him, saying that no one wants to wake up Annie. "That's sweet," says RevCam. Well, not really; everyone's afraid of Annie today because she's, as SamVid puts it, "not happy. She's mad." RevCam lectures SamVid that they mean Annie's "angry," not "mad." "I think she's both," SamVid says. Ha! And here I was, thinking they were kind of slow all this time, when they're really quite astute. ["Even a broken clock is right twice a day." -- Sars] RevCam asks what Annie is angry about. Lucy says it's about Lilly's wedding. RevCam says that Annie is all smiles about Lilly's marriage, because it means that she won't be living in sin anymore and stuff. Ruthie asks RevCam to "explain the rehearsal dinner last night." Yes, please do explain the rehearsal dinner last night, because from what I've seen in this episode thus far, it either consisted of the Camdens skipping it to help out Mrs. Bink, or RevCam skipping it to help out Pat and Jimmy. Either way, we didn't have the privilege of seeing it, and so the event must be relayed to us after the fact. Such great storytelling! RevCam says that Annie left the dinner because she wasn't feeling well, which Lucy says was obviously an act. "Eric!" Annie's demanding, naggy voice rings out from upstairs. Annie comes downstairs dressed in all black and asks where everyone went. We see the formerly occupied kitchen table, and that it is now completely vacant, the open back door seemingly providing the means of escape. If they had added the Simpsons-style sound effect of footsteps running outside, a car door slamming, and then a car peeling out and driving away, then shit, that would have been perfect. I would have given this episode a C. I can't give it a grade any higher than that, because the retarded engagement storyline was so damn offensive.

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