7th Heaven
V Day

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Gwen: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Latest love of Lucy's life

The three CamBrats and Annie run into the nursery and ask RevCam whom Mary's dating. He says that The Colonel thinks Mary may be interested in some guy volunteering at some homeless shelter. Annie goes off on him for not telling her sooner. Then she catches sight of the twins and asks, "What are they wearing?" "Clean clothes," RevCam answers. One of the twins sports orange suspenders. "They would have looked better in their birthday suits," says Ruthie. "Well, I don't see any of YOU bothering to help me!" RevCam spits, arms crossed in front of his chest. "I work my taut, tan ASS off for you people and what does it get me? That's right -- ab-so-LUTE-ly NOTHING!" Matt ushers his siblings out of the room. RevCam calls after them, "Ruthie, bring Daddy his Stoli!" Except that none of that actually happens. The kids leave, and RevCam offers to call Mary and ask who she's dating. In her black leather bustier and spiked wristbands, Annie tells him to go downstairs and find out about who Robbie's dating instead. Robbie walks in and tells the CamRents that he doesn't want to talk about his date, and that Mary's interested in a guy but not actually dating him yet. He humbly stomps off, and the CamRents say, "D'oh!"

On a dark street corner, Ruthie runs to the car and tells her older brothers that Burt's pretending to be sick. She doesn't care, however, because she only asked him out in order to find out about Robbie's woman. Next we see Simon introducing Deena and her date Peter to his siblings. "Simon, where's your date? I thought we were double dating!" says Dense Deena. Simon tries to play it off like his alleged date stood him up, but Deena realizes what's going on and calls the whole thing off apologetically. My drunken apartment neighbors scream like banshees and laugh like hyenas. I open my door and shout, "Get thee heavenwards, family-valueless heathens!" I throw a brick wrapped in a Barry Watson poster through their window, then come back inside in time to hear Deena lisp "Happy Valentine's Day" to heartbroken Simon. He acts like he doesn't care for the sakes of Matt and Ruthie. "Face it, we're losers," says Ruthie. It's about time someone on this show admitted the truth.

The Camdens wear fake smiles as Annie forces them to applaud the twins' ruining of their cake. Then Annie shrewishly tells her teenaged offspring to "go forth and have [their] holiday fun." Everyone looks at Robbie expectantly through several pregnant pauses. He merely tells them that he won't stay out too late. Then he's gone, and Lucy's taking off her bathrobe to reveal her cheap red dress. Her siblings give her the thumbs-up, and she goes to meet Jeremy with her parents at the door. Ruthie declares that Lucy isn't a loser like the rest of them. She's wrong, though.

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7th Heaven

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