7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: F | Grade It Now!

Back at Casa Camden, Dopey is trying to force Robbie to accept non-sexual favours from him. Robbie turns down the offer of a ride, as well as the chance to borrow money from the Dopester to buy a new car battery. As Dopey persists in this pushiness, you can see that Robbie is starting to freak out a bit. Finally he asks why Matt is being so nice. Matt replies that he feels "guilty." When Robbie asks why, Dopey puts on his "horrible liar" face and claims the guilt stems from his not welcoming Robbie into the CamPound. Robbie asks him to knock it off, then leaves.

Dopey closes the door and gets right on the phone to Cheryl. She seems pleased to hear from him, but like an amalgam of every prissy Harlequin Romance heroine ever written, she still insists that Robbie be told that they're dating. I'm not sure why she's experiencing this sudden influx of morals, but it's pretty irritating. I also don't understand why Matt has to date her. Surely there must be other twenty-something women in Glenoak who don't expect sex from their boyfriends. Personally, I hate all story lines having to do with Dopey's non-sex life, and I wish he'd leave Cheryl alone and go back to making out with his pillow. But alas, Dopey doesn't have the sense God gave a broom. He and Cheryl discuss the Robbie situation for a while longer. In a very roundabout way, Cheryl finally explains that she wants to make sure Matt is asking her out because he wants to date her, not because he wants to compete with Robbie somehow. At least that's what I think she's saying. It can be so hard to tell with this show. After another twenty rounds of "Tell Robbie," Dopey promises that he will, and that he will pick her up at eight. He hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. I imagine Cheryl saying, "No, wait! I won't be back from my Women Who Can't Stop Dating Troglodytes support group meeting until nine!" Then I imagine Dopey showing up at her apartment and banging on the door for an hour. And all because he is not bright enough to master basic phone skills.

At the high school, Lucy is chasing after Serena's daughter, whose name escapes me at this moment. I'd look it up for you, but there's no point in getting too attached anyway, since we all know this chick won't be around for longer than another episode before she suddenly "moves away," or whatever other excuse they'll make for why she's not around anymore. ["It's Ashley. God bless this new search engine." -- Wing Chun] This friend has an ugly centre part in her hair that looks like it was put there with a hatchet. It's better than Lucy's earlier attempts at a zigzag part, but not by much. Hatchet Part is pissed because RevCam referred her mom to someone else for counseling. In a not-at-all-contrived argument, Hatchet points out that Eric has helped lots of Lucy's friends' family members with serious problems. I'm not sure how she knows this, since that's the sort of info I'd consider confidential. But surely Hatchet should know that Lucy and her siblings only befriend kids who meet each episode's PSA of the Week criteria. Once RevCam has delivered his usual shallow diagnosis of their problems and offered up the bad advice he's so well known for, it's time for those guest stars to hit the road, rarely to be heard from again. Anyway, Hatchet wants to know whether the fact that RevCam won't counsel her mother means that Serena is too screwed up to be helped, or if he just won't help because Hatchet is not really Lucy's friend. The convoluted illogic of that is giving me a headache. I missed the rest of the scene because I was getting painkillers, but I'm sure nothing important happened anyway.

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7th Heaven




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