7th Heaven
Virgin

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Simon is at his locker when an extra walks up to him and calls him "Virgin Camden." Have we ever seen this kid before? I don't think so. Exposition Boy explains that Sasha's mother has been telling other mothers that Simon is a virgin. His narration complete, Exposition Boy leaves. Hey, it was some quick and dirty cash while he's waiting to hear back from that Sunny D commercial audition. We all do things we're not so proud of sometimes. It's not like he'll ever be on the show again or anything.

John accosts Matt down at the hospital. It will come as no great surprise that he's harassing the Dopester about the Big Secret. Honestly, John really, really needs to get a life. John informs Dopey that Priscilla -- whom the producers couldn't afford to bring on this week -- has guessed that Matt is dating Cheryl. When Matt asks John why he even mentioned anything to Priscilla, John says, "I told you, we tell each other everything." Except he says this like it's a good thing, rather than the misguided crap that it, in fact, is. John redeems himself slightly, however, by refusing to be the go-between who tells Robbie about Matt and Cheryl.

The doorbell rings at the CamPound. For once, no one just happens to be walking past the door at that exact same moment. In fact, Annie goes to the extra bother of checking to see who it is before she opens the door. Oh hey, it's Serena! She cracks me up, so I'm happy enough to see her. Annie obviously doesn't feel the same way, though, if her gargoyle expression is anything to go by. Serena launches into a lengthy apology, saying that she knows Annie must be upset about her spending time with RevCam. It's kind of insulting, actually, and if some women said that stuff to me, I'd be put off too -- especially when Serena uses the word "jealous." I can't blame Annie for doing a slow burn during Serena's speech, but I have to laugh when SuperMom piously claims that she doesn't get involved in her husband's business. Serena recognizes this for the bullshit that it is and calls her on it. Annie just fake-apologizes and shuts the door on Serena. To be honest, I have no sympathy for anyone involved.

Annie struggles to get her anger under control in order to ask Ruthie how her day went. Ruthie says she tried to make a friend but failed because Julia is a "loser." She is disappointed that RevCam will be home for dinner, since "after a bad day, an extra piece of meat would be real nice." I try not to snicker at the sexual innuendo there, but I fail. It's because I'm immature. Annie wants to know what makes Julia a loser, and Ruthie explains that it's because she gave up the opportunity to have a great friend like Ruthie. Much as I detest the little troll, I have to admire her self-confidence. At her age, I was just entering into the age of my life that my dad euphemistically calls my "awkward years" -- the four years or so between my youthful popularity and the time when I realized I was stupid for even giving a shit about what my classmates thought of me. Ruthie says she's being paid back for helping someone. She claims that "Dad" always says, "Don't be helpful; be harmless." Maybe she really is adopted, then, since that phrase sure doesn't sound like the RevCam I know. I think it's safe to say that he's not helpful, but I don't know if "harmless" would describe him either.

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7th Heaven

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