7th Heaven
Virgin

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Simon comes in and demands to talk to SuperMom alone. Lucy is right behind him, carrying a stack of books that's at least two feet tall. She is intimidated by Simon's manly demands to converse with Annie, and like a good little wife-in-training, Lucy takes charge of leading Ruthie upstairs. Simon asks whether SuperMom told Sasha's mother that he is a virgin. She claims that what she actually said is that Simon is "not sexually active." I'd like to know how Annie can be so sure about that. Geeky people have sex too, you know. Simon wants to know why Annie would say something like that to Sasha's mom. Annie says something about wanting to help Sasha, though I fail to see how invading Simon's privacy by speculating on his sex life would accomplish that. Suffice it to say that Simon is upset.

Dopey is on the phone with Cheryl, cutesily asking, "Can I get an extension on the deadline?" He claims that he really cares about her, which seems like a pretty facile thing to say after a first date. Oh wait -- I forgot about Matt's stalker tendencies. Okay, then, I suppose he's right in character. So is John, who is eavesdropping on Dopey's conversation from two feet away. He doesn't laugh uproariously when Cheryl describes Dopey as "smart," "sexy," and "fun," but I do. Cheryl also calls Dopey a "procrastinator." Instead of finishing his phone conversation like a normal person would, he says, "So I'll hang up the phone and stop procrastinating." Sure enough, he hangs up the phone, not even bothering to say goodbye. He really should consider taking a course on basic phone skills. Laugh if you want, but courses like that actually exist. I know someone who had to take one. He said it sucked and was a total waste of time, but I'll bet there would be a lot of new information in it for Dopey. John pounces, trying to convince Matt to "tell Robbie." John really, really needs to pick up a hobby or something.

And now we come to that brief segment in the show wherein the CamRents pretend to care about the twins. That dispensed with, Annie starts in on the Serena business. She wants to know whether RevCam told Serena that Annie wouldn't allow him to counsel her. RevCam starts to say that he didn't, since that would make him look like a wimp, but Annie cuts him off, insisting that he should not want to help her because he doubts "her sincerity in asking [him] for help." The only hitch is that RevCam doesn't doubt her sincerity. From what I can gather from this scene, Annie doesn't want RevCam to let on to Serena that she is jealous, but she has no trouble whatsoever sharing every jealous little whim with RevCam and punishing him for what she perceives as Serena's interest in him. I guess the real problem is that she's just a silly, flighty female. If she were a wise and stable patriarch, like RevCam, she wouldn't behave so illogically. If only she had a penis! But then we wouldn't all be able to join in laughter at how volatile and frivolous women are. However, I'm not laughing, because I'm a little too offended. And quite frankly, Annie scares me, too. Nice move fighting in front of the twins, CamRents. In the real world, the twins probably would be traumatized by hearing their parents fight. Here we see a twin smiling happily in the middle of the fight. I prefer to believe he's taking pleasure from his parents' distress and is hoping that they will divorce. If I think this, then I can hold out some hope that at least one of the CamSpawn has a chance of turning out all right. It's far too late for Lucy, who is eavesdropping from the hallway.

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7th Heaven

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