7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
Bold Stance

RevCam stops lecturing the twins when he sees Martin in the hallway. He runs out to meet him, and tells Martin that his "enthusiasm" about the upcoming election has been spilling into their home. He asks Martin to be more positive about "the basic freedoms" of America, and then the blah blah blah starts up again as Martin looks on, appearing totally stoned out of his mind.

Ruthie comes downstairs and tells her dad that she didn't finish her homework. Bad move, Ruthie -- now she'll be subjected to the third RevLecture in as many minutes. But not us! For it quickly turns into blah blah blahs as Ruthie and Martin stare blankly. Man, when Mackenzie Rosman and Tyler Hoechlin got their scripts and read "blank stare" in the stage directions, they must have been thrilled. "Finally!" they said, "they are writing to our strengths!" When RevCam finishes speaking, Ruthie and Martin go downstairs. On their way out the front door, they remark that sometimes, when RevCam speaks, they just don't listen.

Lucy enters the backdoor, only to be assaulted by Annie's fake happy face and fake cheery good morning tidings. The real Annie is soon revealed as she starts nagging at Lucy to register to vote. Lucy is ashamed that she hasn't done it yet, and makes sure Annie hasn't told anyone Lucy's non-dirty non-secret. Lucy says she'll register on her way home from dropping SamVid off at school. When did Lucy start driving the short bus? She really is a busy woman! Annie hammers in the importance of Lucy voting, as she's a woman and a future mother and blah blah blah into the credits. Wow, this might just be the best episode of this show ever! Oh, I spoke too soon -- I see Dopey is appearing in this episode.

Opening Credits Timewaster: Glenoakian high school students leave for the day. Martin puts his bag down and pulls out a paper. Apparently, he's so geekily thrilled that he got an A+ on his political science essay that he just has to interrupt his egress from school to stare at it. Ruthie arrives, sees Martin's paper, and congratulates him as fakely as possible. Suddenly, the Violins of Suspense play as two boys walk past Martin and Ruthie, loudly dissing nameless politicians and the war in Iraq. Martin angrily grabs his bag and takes off as the Saxophones of Misinformed Children play us into a close-up of Ruthie rolling her eyes. True that, Ruthie.

Martin jumps in front of the two guys and tells them that they have the freedom to say whatever they want in this country -- unlike Iraq. Boy 1 calls Martin a "hawk" and says that innocent people are dying. Martin says that innocent people were dying before the United States ever got involved. "Right on, dude," says another kid, whose name is probably Sad Example Of The Writers' Bizarre Concept Of The Way Today's Kids Speak. Jill, who has now taken to wearing a hijab, like any moderate Muslim would, pulls up alongside Ruthie as other groups of multi-ethnic kids listen in on the conversation. Jill says that she has relatives in Iraq, and they're totally grateful to America because now they have hope for their future. Wait -- isn't Jill Dupree French? Wasn't there an entire episode devoted to that fact? But I guess if she's Muslim, she must have family in the Middle East. Much like I have family in Israel because I'm Jewish. Except that I don't. Another vaguely Middle-Eastern-looking kid says that he has family in Iraq, and they don't have electricity. He should count his blessings. Just look at Yasmin, who must have moved to Iraq and died, since we haven't seen her in like three years.

Martin explains that it isn't the military's job to put up power lines, being sure to subtly mention that his father is in said military. Some dorky little white kid, who apparently gets all his information from Wilson Rawls books, whines that there are people in "Appalachia" who can't pay for electricity, and the politicians should be paying more attention to them. Another guy asks if that's supposed to mean that America shouldn't have anything to do with other countries. "Yeah, that's exactly what it means," the dorky white kid Monroe Doctrines. Martin says that when things happen in one part of the world, it affects everyone. "So why isn't the U.S. stepping in to protect Africa? Why isn't the Sudan in the news every day?" asks an African-American student, because all African-Americans, and only African-Americans, are concerned with African issues. Some squinty-eyed guy with a Jewfro -- let's just call him Shylock Van Jewenstein -- says something about how we need to have peace in the entire Middle East. "If you ask me," pipes up an Asian-American student -- and no one did ask him, and shouldn't they all be going "blah blah blah" by now? -- "we should be paying more attention to North Korea. I mean, we oughta be putting some funds towards that situation." A Native American-looking guy says something about his people being treated badly. And then a yucky blonde girl pipes up that historically, America has always helped other countries out, which isn't true, but whatever. She goes on to explain that this is important to her because she's "Italian -- second generation." And I'm profoundly irritated, first generation. Italian, Second Generation explains that America rescued the Italians from Mussolini during WWII. And that she loves pizza! A different African-American student interrupts her to mention that Mussolini would be a hundred and twenty years old today, and we should police our own neighborhoods instead of the world. Shouldn't she also add something about the situation in Africa? Or slavery? Or something else that she, as an African-American, would automatically care about to the exclusion of all else? Suddenly, a teacher pops up from out of nowhere and tells the kids to move along because he doesn't make very much money. Maybe he would get a raise if he wasn't so concerned with breaking up "intelligent" political discourse from his students.

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7th Heaven




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