7th Heaven
Wayne's World

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | Grade It Now!
A Sphincter Says What?

It's 12:19 in the morning, and Lucy is still awake. So is Kevin, now that she's woken him up. She starts whining about how difficult it is to be on bed rest and how she can only walk for five minutes a day. "I have to depend on everybody else for everything!" she says, as if this were any different from the way things usually are in her world. But the worst part of it all is that she can't take a shower every day, so "[her] hair looks terrible and [she] smell[s]." Kevin says she doesn't smell, although he doesn't say anything about her hair, which does not go unnoticed by Lucy. She starts in with the screaming and whining about how Kevin doesn't understand what it's like to have children and be on bed rest.

Their arguing carries all the way up the CamBoudoir, where it is keeping RevCam and Annie awake. Although they may find sleep easier to come by if they didn't have their bedroom door wide open, exposing them to the brightly-lit hallway. Then again, if the door were closed, they wouldn't be able to spy on their children as well, nor would their children be able to catch them having sex. So I guess it's a trade-off. Ruthie wanders in and says that Kevin and Lucy's arguing are keeping her awake. Meanwhile, Ruthie is wearing a bathrobe that is about seventeen sizes too big for her. The sleeves come down to her ankles. Maybe they're trying to reinstate Ruthie's role as the Adorable Little Moppet, now that the twins have proven to be complete failures at it, as have attempts to make her an Angsty Teenager. RevCam tells Ruthie that Lucy isn't on bed rest for too much longer, and Ruthie points out that after Lucy delivers the baby, they'll be subjected to its screams and cries that keep them awake instead. I guess Ruthie doesn't have much faith in Lucy's plan to buy her own house. I wouldn't either. "You know, if this were Survivor, we would've voted Lucy off the island days ago," Ruthie says, apparently not realizing that "voted off the island" jokes are dated by about four years. And that's not even true because everyone knows that Lucy would have been kept around until the end, with the other finalist hoping that everyone would vote for him because Lucy is so goddamn annoying and everyone hates her. And Twila would have kicked her ass three ways from Sunday.

Ruthie leaves the CamBboudoir to find SamVid, rubbing their eyes and asking why Lucy is yelling at her husband again. Ruthie says that they will understand when they are grown up and married and their shrewish naghag of a wife gets knocked up and angry. "Why don't you try putting your pillow over your head?" Ruthie suggests, "that works sometimes." And it's true; sometimes when you put a pillow over young children's heads, they do suffocate and die. Which I am absolutely sure was Ruthie's intention.

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7th Heaven




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