7th Heaven
We Do

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We Do

It's the night before the Wedding From Hell, and RevCam is running through a rehearsal of the ceremony that will change Lucy's status from abused girlfriend to abused wife. He's also providing some clunky exposition about the fact that Kevin "T-1000" Kinkirk has a brother named Ben and a sister named…ahem…Patty Mary. You know, I can't even type that name without giggling. I have no idea how Stephen Collins can say it out loud without cracking up. Somebody give this man an Emmy. From his description of the recessional, we can conclude that Ruthie is Lucy's maid of honor, and Simon is Kevin's best man. What, were Steve Austin and the Tin Man both busy that day? Kevin's other attendants are Matt and Ben. Has he even met Matt? Just briefly, I suppose, at the Dopester's super-boring nuptials last year. Lucy's attendants are Mary and the aforementioned Patty Mary. Right, because she's so close to both of them. We also learn that the Glenoak airport is closed, which I assume has something to do with the thunder rumbling in the background. Ooh, thunder! Scary. I didn't think airports closed for run-of-the-mill thunderstorms, but it has already been proven beyond a doubt that Glenoak is populated almost exclusively by morons. Lucy is worried that the T-1000's odious family won't make it to the wedding in time, but Kevin tries to reassure her that after the ceremony, Lucy will be his "family." Of course, he'll be chipping away at her self-confidence later -- and probably slapping her around eventually, too -- but at least he's offering up sappy platitudes in front of her family now. Aw! Is that romantic or what?

Annie tells RevCam how happy she is that he's "back in [his] church again." What? Oh, right -- it's that season-long story arc about Eric questioning whether he belongs in the ministry. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been waiting anxiously to see how that turns out!

Lucy is trying to make Kevin promise that he will go through with this wedding. It's quite sad, really, to see Lucy pathetically begging him not to leave her at the altar. She then starts quoting Herodotus: the motto that the post office uses, about the weather not keeping postal workers from "their appointed rounds." It's nice to see that she gets the "heat" part of the quote right, I suppose, but then again, who cares? I have to wonder if she's aware that Kevin is, in fact, a police officer, not a letter carrier. Or did Brenda revise a little history during this last hiatus?

Fortunately, Lucy's increasingly weird behavior is interrupted by some thunder and lightning, which herald the arrival of Gabrielle. Why is she there? Because the Colonel and Grandma Ruth can't be arsed to show up for this blessed event, so they sent Gabrielle in their stead. Why would they do a thing like that? No clue. But Gabrielle's way cooler than anyone else in Glenoak, so I'm happy enough to welcome her, even when she starts insisting that she must do something to "help" the Camdens. The CamRents maintain that, aside from showing up for the wedding, there's nothing for Gabrielle to do. This causes her to glare intensely at Eric as she says that she's going to call the Colonel "and let him know." As she turns away to leave the church, the thunder rumbles ominously. If this is supposed to be symbolic somehow, I really don't get it, but it seems that all the Camdens do. Annie voices the hope that this won't be a "bad omen." Ruthie repeats the same sentiment for Simon. Then Lucy says it to Kevin. Did the twins write this dialogue, perhaps? If it is a bad omen, it probably just meant that this scene was going to end in a really annoying and pointless way. And sure enough, that part did come true.

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7th Heaven




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